The story, thus far.....(Part 1)

Last post I shared that Tim and I will be moving to the Philippines in September, 2007! The story is long and full of little details, but let me tell you the important parts, that is, if you want to read it! Otherwise, leave this blog NOW!

Okay, so here's the deal.....I've been praying for two years that God would direct our path outta the Vancouver area (pictured in all its fall glory here)....not because I don't like it, but because I have felt this strong desire to get out and have an adventure with Tim...without the distraction of family hoohah and without the stress of fitting into everyone else's mold...I've had this "ants-in-my-pants" thing for a while.... Since I was eight. Truth! I have wanted to move overseas and work, preach, hang in orphanages, gosh...do SOMETHING since I was eight. My parents always laughed at me because all I wanted to do was work in an orphanage, live in a shack with a sharpei dog and play saxophone or something like that.

Well, after marrying Tim, I put some of those dreams to rest and found that one of my dreams was exactly like his! It basically came down to serving the poor in third world countries in any capacity God saw fitting. To be truthful, that's really why we got married! We just really felt God's call on us as a couple and as singles! We felt that our very first date! Anyway, working in our group home has been great and God has blessed us with it, but Tim is far more content here than I am and yet, we both still felt that tugging in our guts to other nations....working with the poor and with children.

So after getting home from the Dominican in January of this year, I felt that nudge harder than ever before and I REALLY wanted to get outta here. I was getting tired of our job and felt like I was in a rut. The more I prayed, the more I "felt" God telling me to WAIT! I hated that. But it was true...I needed to learn to wait. Tim wanted me to just be content with our job and God wanted me to wait. I wasn't willing to do either. So I began to look into extra schooling or missionary training. I checked some schools in the states (where I am originally from) and some schools in the UK. Tim kinda kept to himself and I faked like I was content. But I wasn't....I was fighting God....and losing.

Tim and I wanted to have kids and that wasn't working either and his argument for not leaving our job was partially because we could leave it once we got pregnant and in the meantime, work a secure job and save for the future. It's now been four years of trying for a baby. Everyone around me seems to be having babies and somehow God has warned me of those who are pregnant even before they announce their pregnancies! For the longest time, I was baffled and somewhat upset about the whole thing.

And then God miraculously hit me on the head with conviction followed by His grace and something in me changed. Depression left, discontentment left, insecurities left, fear left, even the desire for our own children left and all that was left was me and God, face to face and I saw Him. I mean, really SAW HIM!! I saw Him for who He truly is and for what He's done....and then I recognized His work in me...the process, the removing of my sin, the journey He's taken me on and all of a sudden I felt grateful. Content. Joyful. And my only prayer became, "Lord, I'll do whatever you want me to do...I just don't want to squander this time that you've given Tim and I without our own children. But if you want me to wait, then I will wait and I will choose to have Your joy in waiting."

I was a mess. I had surrendered every dream of children, every hope of change, and every expectation I'd placed on myself and on Tim. Through the grace of God, I let go of bitter feelings, self-hatred, and pride and He replaced it with Himself. I literally felt undone...out of control.....and yet, so at peace. I began to take joy in the things He was saying to me...the inside scoop of others' pregnancies and the joy that they were feeling!

A few days passed and you know what happened?? Well, you'll have to wait a day or two....read the next post to find out! Be blessed and surrender all you have this week....you're in for a real treat when you do!!