FIGHTING MY FLESH!

Okay...Tim took this picture at Granville Island Pond.....I really like this picture....it's how I feel when I am struggling to fight temptation... like "AAAACK!!! Get these stinkin' pigeons flying at my face away from me!!" Notice the parents' hand in the left-hand corner? That's my Jesus leading me out of the chaos. Yes, this is how I feel today. Only the pigeons end up being children...I am embarrassed to say.

I sat as patiently as I could as one of our kids struggled to read through a book she's read a thousand times before...she insisted on "reading" it again....but I was losing patience....how many times can you read the word "which" and keep calling it "what"?? (I didn't say that out aloud, though) there were a lot of words like that.......And the constant following....I can't go pee without one of the kids following me into the bathroom and then calling my name over and over while I'm in there even after telling them I'd be in there for less than 3 minutes....they even timed me! "B!! B!!!" they say! I just wanna pee in peace! And the constant "When are we gonna have snack?" after I told them three times already and the answer hadn't changed. And the constant questions....the poor wiping skills after going to washroom...the forgetfulness of instructions given seconds ago....Oh, where's the sanity after a day in our group home!? SERENITY NOW! (Mind you, this is the norm and it doesn't always get me...but when it does...UGH, GULP, sigh.)

So after I rant, you know what comes to mind?
"Get over yourself, Bethany! You know the needs of these kids. You know where they come from and you know that you could be the only person in their life who knows the truth of who they really are. They are not a "behaviour-challenged child, developmentally delayed, FAS, OCD, or ADHD"--they are a precious gift from God...a God who desperately wants them to rest in Him, who sees them without flaw. What are you complaining about?" Bethany eats a good helping of humble pie. Not so tasty. Repentence not so glamorous. But then I lose patience with myself...realizing that I love these kids and that my humanity and flesh take over too often. Then I pray that tomorrow I'll be better....more patient, more Christ-like, more gracious......I hate my flesh. Then I remember Colossians 1:10-12, which says:

"And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to His glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light."

I soo want to live a life worthy of the Lord.....I want to bear fruit while listening to an 8 year-old read the word "which" as "what" 50 billion times.....I want her to bear fruit by an example that I set that's pleasing to the Lord....I want to be strengthened by His glorious might as I pee and hear my name called so that when I answer, my voice is filled with patience and grace and not annoyance and rejection.....I want to joyfully give thanks daily for these kids, their lives, and their strengths and weaknesses and even when I fail, Colossians says that "HE HAS QUALIFIED ME (and you) TO SHARE IN THE INHERITANCE OF THE SAINTS!!" That is SOOO stinkin' humbling. I should start acting like it. I am so glad tomorrow is a new day. Forgive me, Lord and give me strength to exemplify you to YOUR kids. Amen.