STILL waiting for miracles.....

What a crazy week it's been! Holding my brand new niece, Justice, again last night was such a blessing.....it seemed to almost immediately silence the craziness and chaos of the house.....loud noises seemed to be drowned out and the difficulty of "family gatherings" eased. She is a gift.

This picture is of Tim and my mom and dad facing the Burrard Inlet when they came and visited up here a while ago. They need to visit again.

Overwhelmed by the week's business, I dropped into bed last night battling with depression. Missing my mom....feeling a need to be cared for....not even knowing what that need was....just wanting to be rescued or taken away.....feeling an overwhelming need to be rescued. I kinda whimpered in my sleep. Amazing how quickly my countenance had changed from not too long ago when I wrote down my deepest dreams on this very blog....mmmm. I think it's connected. Perhaps it's the state of affairs in the world....the new flashes of violence and grief, maybe it's just that "time of the month" or an emotional drainage scenario.....Not sure why the ghastly sense of loneliness appeared and not sure when it will leave and then the Lord led me to Psalm 77 again (notice I used a portion of this a blog or two ago....)

"1 I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me.
2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted.
3 I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
4 You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak.
5 I thought about the former days, the years of long ago;
6 I remembered my songs in the night. My heart mused and my spirit inquired:
7 "Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show His favor again?
8 Has His unfailing love vanished forever? Has His promise failed for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has He in anger withheld his compassion?"
10 Then I thought, "To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High."
11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will meditate on all Your works and consider all your mighty deeds.
13 Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God?
14 You are the God who performs miracles; You display your power among the peoples. 15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
16 The waters saw you, O God, the waters saw you and writhed; the very depths were convulsed.
17 The clouds poured down water, the skies resounded with thunder; your arrows flashed back and forth.
18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind, your lightning lit up the world; the earth trembled and quaked.
19 Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen.
20 You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron."

And so I press on in midst of the feelings.

Hosea 6:2-3 says, "After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence. Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge Him. As surely as the sun rises, He will appear; He will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth." And the thought comes to me..."Oh please, God....that's what I need!" And though I seem to feel His silence, I know He is there. I cannot turn from His presence....I need it so bad....especially in these times. Where can I turn for comfort, but to the Comforter.

And therefore, I try to refocus, pray against pride and self-pity and do Philippians 3:13-14 which says, "But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
Heavy. And jsut now my hubby came in with gerbera daisies for me. I'm humbled.