A week later......sorry for the delay!

This passed week, my best friends, Alissa, and my mom came to visit Vancouver! We had a great time and I have to confess that I didn't have any time to post a new entry. Sorry 'bout that! But things are now back to normal....or somewhat.

But I am ready to go back. Pictured is the B&B Tim and I stayed at on our vacation in Lac la Hache, BC. The picture doesn't do the garden justice and you can't see the beautiful lake Tim is looking at, but you get the idea. It was great. I need to go back there now. Time for another rest. Oh, and by the way....Thank you all for the many comments on the last post!

As I mentioned before, the first two days of our vacation prepared us for the re-entry into stressful life here at home. Right when we got home, we scooted off to Bellingham to pick up my best friend and then mom came on Sunday, Alissa left on Monday, mom left on Wednesday and now, today.....time to go back to work. What a blessing it was to have my two best friends here and now that they are gone, I cannot help but feel a sense of loss and little low...my family now far away. My dad calls that the "Monday blues".... like the feeling the day after a big drama production.... But what I am REALLY feeling is a dread to go through the next couple of months. I LOVE this time of year when the leaves fall and the weather changes...when the garden dies and I have to dig up stuff and get dirty.....but this year, there's more than just the garden to dig up.....it's a myriad of emotions, a plethora of pain, and the having to "suck it up", so to speak.

Ever feel stuck and forced to "suck up" the pain and emotions you feel? Ever feel like people or maybe a person in particular is giving you the message that it's time to "move on", don't cause waves and certainly...DO NOT ROCK THE BOAT!? Ever feel forced to enjoy the presence and company of people who hate you and have NO concern for your life and you cannot confront them? Ever dealt with people who refuse to repent for the pain they've caused? Ever feel like someone else is controlling your life...dictating your every move and it isn't God...the One who knows best and has your best interest at heart? Ever feel the ache to be real, but no one wants you REAL, they want you to "put up, shut up, and suck it up"? Am I depressing you, yet? Sorry. But that's where I'm at, that's what I FEEL, probably NOT reality, but the feelings are real. That's the struggle of having to endure the next 5 or 6 weeks. My desire is to get to a place where I don't feel like ENDURING it, but I can THRIVE in it....speak truth in love, be who I am without limitations or expectations, say no to events I desire not to attend because of associated pain, spend quality time with those who DESIRE my company and desire to know me......is there hope for that??

Well....let's see.....Zechariah 8:15b-17 says, "Do not be afraid. These are the things you are to do: Speak the truth to each other, and render true and sound judgment in your courts; do not plot evil against your neighbor, and do not love to swear falsely. I hate all this," declares the LORD."
Okay...the Lord is not speaking directly to me in this passage, but I certainly can learn from this direction. I can speak the truth in love and I won't plot evil against people around me...I won't hate those who hate me...got it, no prob. And then there's Ephesians 4:1-5; 14-16; 25-32..........

"1As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit (--what if the Spirit isn't present in the people we're talking about??) through the bond of peace. 4There is one body and one Spirit —just as you were called to one hope when you were called 5one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all."

--Uh, oh....feeling a little convicted now....

"14Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. 15Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 16From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work."

--I am CALLED to speak the truth, though, so that people may grow! That's a big responsibility!......

"25Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold. 28He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need."

--In my intense pain, I have been angry...I gotta deal with it...HELP LORD!

"29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

--Does that mean speaking truth in love no matter what boat it rocks and how many waves it creates? Forgiving doesn't mean "moving on", it means accepting repentant heart and extending grace? What if there isn't any repentance? Still more to come and more to learn, I guess......something for next post!