God's anger and forgiveness.....I'm challenged.

Have you ever tried to forgive someone who hurt you and got so frustrated that you were having such trouble forgiving them? Maybe you even felt guilty and shameful for not feeling forgiving........maybe you even had to wake up every morning saying "I forgive you" in your mind to that person even though everyday they continued to hurt you.......

Well, I learned something this weekend that changed my whole perspective on God's grace, forgiveness and my part in reconciliation. Although I do not fully agree with every portion of the teaching, I am interested in a dialogue about this...perhaps even challenging my own thoughts on the matter.....comment if you have a thought.

I used to think that no matter what someone did, I had to forgive them and if I couldn't, then I wasn't really a healthy Christian, I was bitter and angry and that God wouldn't forgive me. I know many of us have had that mindset. But I was challenged this weekend to rethink that ingrained teaching.

A friend and I went to hear Gary Chapman (author of The Five Love Languages) speak on Love and Anger. I really went because I wanted to spend time with this friend and I wanted to take an evening off of work. I had no idea that it would provide me with such freedom and release from my own self-condemnation.

You see, someone dear to me has taken his life into his own hands. He professed to know Christ, but in the last three years, he has chosen to cheat on his wife, fall into addictions, hurt those around him with his words and his actions without ever an apology....and now he is divorcing his wife, been aloof with his family and lives like an unbeliever......he claims that we "just need to forgive him". This angered me and I struggled with his self-centered and heartless, Godless response. The pain he has caused his family is overwhelming and he shares that he "just wants to be happy".

The subject of forgiveness has come up numerous times in this situation and though I love this person and I desire God's best for him, I couldn't say that I forgave him. Why? Because he hasn't confessed and repented. He hasn't changed his lifestyle or admitted wrong or apologized for the pain he's caused and selfishness he has demonstrated. And this weekend, I discovered that unforgiveness is not without merit and is actually Biblical. Let me explain......

Gary Chapman taught on the fact that God, Himself, does not forgive people who do not confess and repent. Take a look at 1 John 1:9 - "if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." The key word here is IF.

God is our example and we are made in His image.....we are to model our lives according to His statutes. We cannot forgive better than God...we aren't capable of forgiving anyone without Him, so how can we expect to forgive someone when GOD HASN'T FORGIVEN THEM!? If they have not confessed and repented, then they are not forgiven.

But what about Christ? Didn't He come to save sinners...the ultimate act of forgiveness? YES! BUT only when they believe on the Lord Jesus Christ....what does that involve doing? Admitting you are a sinner and are in need of a Saviour....aka confessing and repenting...take a look at John 3:16, Acts 16:31, Proverbs 28:13. 2 Timothy 2:18-19 (and countless others)....all speak of confessing, repenting and being saved.

Even when Jesus was on the cross, He asked God, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34). This was not a command, but a desire....Jesus was saying that He desired for them to be forgiven and He was making a way so that IF man confesses, THEN God would forgive them and save them.

Now, does that mean we have a right to stay angry and become bitter and treat the person who wronged us with all the hatred we have in the world? NO! Matthew 18: 15-17 says,

5"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector."

Treat them like an unbeliever? That means we love them (Luke 6:35) and pray for them (Matthew 5:44), BUT we also guard ourselves from them and set up strong boundaries (2 Timothy 4:14-15). We do not allow anger to take root in us, either. Chapman shared that anger was never meant to take residence in our hearts, but just to be a visitor. It is only when we invite anger to LIVE in us that it becomes bitterness and hatred. But when we treat the wounding unbeliever with love and prayer, it is the Holy Spirit who removes the anger and replaces it with compassion.....NOT forgiveness....THAT only comes when the person confesses and repents and the sweetness of reconciliation can take place.

We are required to forgive when asked to (Matthew 6:14-15...that;s the hard part!), but until we are asked, we cannot. Look at the many examples in the old AND new testaments where a person was wrong, hurt others and needed to repent. Forgiveness is not a right, but an act of grace....an act of God. We cannot forgive without Him, so when He forgives, I want to act in forgiveness.

Still processing all of this.....any comments? What a challenge~be blessed!