Uncle Bob and Aunt Syl....

G'day, friends and family! It's been a week of 'getting betters'.....the flu is passing. YEAH GOD! The "woman's curse" has FINALLY gone. YEAH GOD! And though things are busy, our home is feeling a bit more peaceful....dirty with brown hand prints on the wall from the kids and crumbs on the kitchen floor, but definitely peaceful. Thank you for your prayers!

The last few days, Tim and I have had the wonderful opportunity to hang out with our dear friends, Bob and Sylvia (we call 'em Uncle and Aunt, just cuz they're closer than just friends....). They have been strong towers in our walk with the Lord and with each other this passed year. We love them.

They wear their love for the Lord on their sleeves and it rubs off on their beautiful marriage ...it shows wherever they go. You can't help but sense the presence of God when they're around. They have allowed the Holy Spirit to move in them without fear and they've sacrificed their will to see God's will be done. Seeing Jesus in them is not only inspiring, but humbling. Their life is a love song to the Lord and a testimony of His power.

They're leaving this week....they're travelling to India to minister the love of Christ in a very tangible way...through 'living water'. The two of them in their 60s, are being empowered by the Holy Spirit to live in India for two months to build water filtration systems in remote villages while teaching sanitation and hygiene. This simple tool will save hundreds....perhaps THOUSANDS of lives in those villages! Check out www.impactnations.com if you wanna know more as to how they're doing all that!

Their lives show me how God's work in us is never "finished"...just because we get 'older' (and Bob and Syl are NOT OLD! :) just OLD-ER!) doesn't mean that God's through with us and we just wait for death...God always has some assignment for us no matter what age we are or what state our physical body is at. We have no excuse to wait for the Lord's return....we CHASE after His heart wherever He goes. I love that about Uncle Bob and Aunt Syl....they CHASE after the Father's heart and find it every time....and they don't follow behind it, sluggishly trying to catch up to it, they RUN with every fiber of their being to catch it and then they give it away.

I wanna be like that when I'm in my 60s. And I wanna run to the Philippines with the same vigor and strength that God has equipped our dear friends with. Fearless. Please pray for them as you read this, as they are totally relying on the power and guidance of God as they serve the people of India. Be blessed this week!

Trying not to dwell on the 'natural'....

Good day, eh? The sun is FINALLY shining here in Vancouver...we've been itching for some sun and now you can REALLY see the tulip bulbs bursting with new growth!

I wish I could say the same for myself! It's been a rough couple of days....Saturday night I woke up with the chills, the aches and the RALPH!!! Yes, that is code for v-o-m-i-t. The flu had paid a visit...only I was the one that was paying! We were working with the kids and Tim had to take on more than the usual job 'cuz I was almost completely out of commission. He did great. He'll make an incredible dad someday....I love watching him.

As if the flu wasn't enough, I have been struggling with the "woman's curse"...you know what I mean...the "time of the month" stuff....for over 2 1/2 months.....yeah, that's right...NON-STOP. It's not too painful and Tim will tell you I've not been more moody that usual (cheeky grin!) and I write this mainly because I know most of the people who will read this are women and dear friends who know the struggles Tim and I have been through on this front over the last few years. But after 2 1/2 months....I'm tired and frustrated...annoyed and not ready to "just give up", but close.

So I was feeling blu with the flu and struggling with the weak state my body has been in and then the fears started to creep in like they do....Lie #1: "if you can barely do the job you have now with your health, how are you gonna serve others in the Philippines?"....Lie #2: "You're just gonna be a liability over there and if you just keep bleeding, you won't ever get pregnant anyway."...Lie #3: "God's obviously telling you that you gotta stay here and let the 'capable' people do the REAL work...He's not gonna provide for you what you need." This is the part where I roar like a lion and tell satan to go suck a lemon in Jesus' name!

But my body was still weak and in some ways my heart, an open wound.

But you know what happened? One of our 11 year-old boys in our group home wanted me to tuck him in Sunday night even though I looked like the south end of a horse. It wasn't because I do the best tucking-in job or because he wanted me to get him an extra blanket or some milk (which is usually the case...I'm such a bedtime sucker!). He wanted me to tuck him in so that HE could pray for ME! It's true! I cried as he started his prayer....

"Good ol' Jesus...could you pleeeeeeeeease get my bestest friend in the whole wide world better because she feels like poo and can't play with us as much AND because she's my friend....thanks....and...uh....please help it to snow tomorrow so we don't have school. Amen."

I laughed, my stomach churned, I groaned and our 11 year-old gave me a hug. It was exactly what I needed at that very moment. And I AM feeling way better today than I was that night! So it must've worked!

Our 11 year-old was hugely instrumental in helping me to stand and fight with the Holy Spirit the lies satan was throwing at me and the fears of not being good enough. And though I feel daily bombarded with thoughts that are not God's truth, I am blessed and encouraged by the supernatural faith and love God has placed in some of our kids and I am reminded that our army is stronger than satan's army. Even Jesus is interceding for us day and night (Romans 8:34)! And He is making me strong....because when I am weak....HE is strong (2 Corinthians 12:10) and HE is in me. AMEN!

A dollop of patience would help!

This pic is of two of our boys after an awesome slide into a snow bank....note to self: 'skateboards without wheels CANNOT be used as snowboards'. Creative, though. As the snow melts and we embark on our last few months as "extended families" to these kids, I am humbled and blessed at these last four years....unless I dwell on this:

"B. Oh Beeeeeeeeeee! Beeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Where are you Beeeeeeee??"

This is where you find me in the closet eating chocolate covered almonds trying to find my "happy place". Yeah, that's been my weekend. We have a four-year-old and a nine year-old who sound extremely alike....so much so that I often confuse the two piercing voices in unison saying, "Beeeeeeeee, oooohhhh Beeeeeeee?" (that's what they call me because they have issues saying my name.) My nieces and nephews call me 'Aunt B', my friends' boy calls me "Unca B" (he hasn't figured out that 'unca' is a boy and 'auntie' is a girl, but I'm okay with that now. :) Some of our other kids here call me "B-Bear".....one of the boys refers to me as "Barfany"...

I'm okay with all the silly names, but the kids yelling from every corner of the house: "BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?" is getting really....ummm, ANNOYING!!! The high-pitched squeals of searching for their servant caregiver get really old after a while. The kids don't come and find me, they just yell... and if I come find them, I get some of the weirdest and most retarded questions ever so I've resorted to waiting until they find ME. And then when they do, I ask them what they need and they say, "Oh, I forgot." LOVELY! Anyways, today I need more patience. Thus I hide in the closet or the bathroom and breathe deep until my blood pressure lowers and the urge to scream passes.

God knew what I needed when He gave me Tim.....he'll often hear the kids before I do (because he's often in the same room when they start yelling!) and he'll say, "Hey! Why can't you ask ME the question? Why bug B...she's busy!" Oh, bless my hubby-man! And for a few short moments, all will be quiet and well......

Oh, Lord, give me patience!

We told the Ministry of Children and Families (our employer) that we would not be signing a new contract in May as usual because we would be moving overseas. What we thought was going to be a difficult and somewhat emotional conversation turned to one of great joy and encouragement. Our supervisor was clearly excited for the journey Tim and I had ahead of us and wanted to offer a strong congratulations. She also shared how appreciative she is for the "exceptional job" we've done here at the house. We were blessed, but later found out that upon our departure, they would be closing the house down and not hiring a replacement. That's when we began to feel a sense of loss....these kids and their families will not have this resource soon....it is now that I realize how petty my lack of patience this weekend has been.

With only 4 1/2 months to go before we never see these children again, I hide at the sound of them calling my name and I impatiently answer their questions....."Oh what a wretched woman I am!" And I am humbled.

"Lord, forgive me for now exemplifying You. How can I serve You better by serving these kids?" Ugh.

Be blessed.

BIG GOD, little blessings......

As I walked out to the garage today, I noticed the spring bulbs I'd planted had partially come up! CONFUSION! It's been snowing here on and off since November and these little tulip, hyacinth and daffodil bulbs should NOT be pushing up the dirt! They are supposed to be sleeping until late February! But as you can see from the photos, these dear ones are already saying winter is passing......

God reminded me of something very dear to my heart. I planted that garden 3 years ago as a result of getting fed up with an out-of-control morning glory vine. (You may recall the post I wrote last year regarding my passion flower.)

Each year, I've decided to experiment with planting from seed and planting more interesting bulbs as well as transplanting and collecting seeds in the fall from existing flowers for planting later. This passed year was no different. Last fall was the biggest effort I had put out to make this novice garden look lovely all spring and summer.

I had planted anticipating a hardy season of bloom....excited to see what combinations would come up as I blindly threw out seeds and bulbs. And when the Lord asked us to move to the Philippines, we did not hesitate, but that was in October and the garden work had already been done. I was a little dismayed when I realized that it would mean not seeing my labours bear fruit in our yard. But it hit me today....the bulbs are already coming up and we leave in July! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!? YES! It means I get to see the beautiful creativity of the Lord in my garden all spring and a little into Summer!!! I even get to see the first blooms of my passion flower! What a blessing! God knew what a blessing my garden has been to me....it has sustained me time and time again when things have been rough and God has used it over and over to speak to me and show me His heart.....and so God knew the timing would be perfect to move....with just enough time to enjoy the fruit of my labours from last fall.

I am so grateful we serve a God who sees our hearts, listens to our cries, and knows our passions....He is soooo good! I'll be sure to post the lovely garden photos as soon as they pop out! Be blessed and know your God is watching out for you!

Headed to the garage.......

Greetings, friends! I posted this pic because I realized the other day that we don't have any pictures of Tim and I together!! This is one from his brother, Joshua's wedding. It also reminded me of how far we've come! This was just over a year ago! Who would've thought so much could happen in a year! We certainly didn't know at the time of this picture that we'd be moving half-way around the world! God works fast, ya know? Anyways.....

What a CRAZY week it's been! Tim and I have been planning, planning, planning.....so much to do. Today I got an e-mail from someone leaving our future home of Davao and is selling all their possessions to come home! Because our future apartment won't have a stove, fridge, or anything else, we have to purchase those big items ahead of time and then find a place to store them until we arrive. Whew. It's a strange feeling to buy such large items never laying eyes on them until we actually take possession of them!

Meanwhile, we're trying to get the logistical things done here....cleaning the garage and the office to sort stuff...what do we sell, what do we give away, what do we keep.....I made a checklist of all the things we must do before we move and the list was loooooooooong. Somewhat overwhelming, but each month we can get a few things on the list accomplished and maybe it won't seem so impossible. On top of all that, we still gotta do more fundraising!

This week, we tackle the garage.

There is a sick side of me that is actually looking forward to stepping into the chilly, spider-infested, box-filled garage. Much to Tim's dismay, I am excited to finally open some of our boxes with a few of our wedding gifts from over 4 years ago! It's true! We moved into our group home almost 6 months after we were married, so many of the wedding gifts we received (especially the pretty glass things) were unable to be used in our children's home....so they got stored in the dark, cold, dirty garage. Then there's the mass-quantities of university textbooks and sheet music.....the really old, beat-up pots and pans passed down from one Stewart to the next.....the gross junky blankets I used to sleep on in dorms....I think I even have one with Mickey Mouse on it! Ahhh, memories.....the ones you can't wait to get rid of!

I think the process is good. As we begin to simplify our life by ridding ourselves of the things we don't need, we are also giving ourselves time to grieve over the life we thought we'd have. You know...the white picket fence with the golden retriever and 2.5 kids. Uh-uh. Not for us. I'm talking about grieving over losing all security in "stuff". It's amazing how quickly having "stuff" can give you a sense of security, of pride, and accomplishment....and yet, it's amazing how quickly it can become worthless, pointless, and degraded to a pile of, well, junk.

However, there are some items we WILL NOT sell or give away...we want something to pass on to our children as our parents did to us, but we are really beginning to realize how blessed we have been and how little we really need. God is definitely stretching us!

And so Tim and I have planned a very intimate date day of purging the past and preparing for the future.

Humbled....again.

Many blessings to you all! I pray things are peaceful in your worlds....it's snowing again here. Annoying as it can be, it really does give a sense of peace and calmness.

I have to say, I was overwhelmed by the comments left on last post. I was truly blessed. And humbled. I wish I could be more like the person you described, but I am a work in progress, right? Good thing, too!

This pic is of my niece, Justice. I love the way she is curiously peering right into the center of the camera as if to say, "Yes, you have my attention....what do you want!?" She doesn't seem to have any fear of me getting just inches away from her face....yet if I had been any closer, she would've slobbered the camera....she's teething...enough said.

She looks so confident and fearless.... at only 6 months-old, she can read a room from top to bottom in seconds....her eyes scan every piece and her hands reach out to whatever she desires....fearlessly. You have to watch her, too, because she'll take whatever you have right out from under you! She's driven.....fearless.

I want to be like that....not teething and slobbery!...but confident, fearless and reaching for everything the Lord places in my path. As Tim and I fund raise, pack, sell, and buy for the Philippines, there is a large part of me that struggles with fear. It isn't a fear of typhoid, AIDS, planes crashing, icky water, lack of money, a new culture, another language, distance from all family and friends, security, and a lack of possessions.....it's a fear of not being able to grasp and retain all the information and skill of midwifery....a fear of reading my textbooks and getting to the last chapter only to realize I have NO IDEA what I've been reading!

You might say, "That's silly! There are so many other things to worry about, B!" But truly....school was tough the first time and university even more so....what makes me think I can grasp medical terminology? Well......all I can say is that it is the grace of God! I really believe His grace is what is going to get me through the next couple of years! Yes, for now, the finances keep me awake at night, but during the day, my mind is filled with medical "mumbo-jumbo", pieces of puzzles that don't seem to match.

But then I look at Justice's pic and remember that even when I was her age, God knew and predestined me to go to the Philippines to learn and practice midwifery in His name. So He knows my fear and He knows what I need. Whew....maybe I'll sleep better tonight!

Be blessed and please pray for me if I pop into your head this week! Thanks!

"WANTED: A changed atmosphere"......

Happy first Sunday of 2007! I must say since my last post, I have been feeling a bit better....people must be praying for me! If you're one of them, thank you!

This picture was taken while we were on our vacation last August. I posted it this week because I loved the way this little goat stuck like glue to the other.....the older goat looks so proud to protect and guide the little young kid.....it blessed me. Anyways.........

You might be wondering "Bethany, what's with the title?"

Well, this morning my father-in-law shared on "changing our atmosphere" in our communities from an atmosphere of the world, to one immersed in heaven......no, not streets of gold, angels playing harps and mass quantities of chocolate....but our communities full of the presence of God...healings, miracles, overwhelming joy, great peace, strength and glorifying God amidst trials and suffering, joining with others to alleviate the sufferings of others, etc. While he was sharing this blessed hope, I couldn't help but be reminded of a long conversation I had with a boy in our group home......

He's only 9, but struggles with more worries and issues than most adults struggle with in their entire lifetime. He is a booger at times, but he is a very genuine person, honest and real no matter what it costs him.

Last night he was anticipating a horrible night of bad dreams, sleepwalking, fear, and restlessness. He cried and tried everything he could to get out of having to sleep. He brushed his teeth twice, needed milk...then needed WARM milk, then a glass of water, some tissue, a new nightlight, a new blanket, the windows locked, the bathroom door shut, the bedroom door open, a second pee, a new book just in case he couldn't get to sleep, a stuffed animal, ANOTHER blanket, his coat and bag blocking the bathroom door cracks.......AAACCKK! I was spent....but as I began to FINALLY tuck him in, he started to share his fears......

One by one, he let the fears come out...his fear of being a bad boy and not pleasing his family, of disappointing God, of wondering why he was even born, of being frustrated that he was such a wimp, of never seeing his dad again, of God hating him, of boogie-men trying to break into his room, of aliens trying to get his attention by knocking on his window (it was just the rain). Whew. This kid was nervous and scared of EVERYTHING......After 45 minutes of letting him ramble about every injustice in his life, he ASKED me to change his atmosphere. He said, "B, what can you do to make it go away?" I thought he'd never ask.

I said that I couldn't take away his fears, but that I knew the guy who could. I first explained that God made him the way he was for a reason and that God knew exactly who and what he was going to be long before he was even born....he then asked why God would make such a big mistake by making him so naughty and full of fear....an honest question! The truth is, God made him just the way He wanted him to be, but without fear. The fear he felt was a result of another guy....satan. I told him that satan often tries to get us to stay awake all night fearing that God hates us and wants to punish us, but that isn't who God is.....I recited 2 Timothy 1:7,
“For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” God does not put fear into us! He calls us His kids! Our boy didn't believe me. He said, "B, can you write those verses down for me and show me where they are found?"

"Oh yeah!" I said. I printed out Psalm 139 for him and translated it into a kid-friendly version and stuck it in a Bible bookmarked to Psalm 139 and 2 Timothy 1:7. He read the passages and began to cry when he read that he is "fearfully and wonderfully made...without mistake". I told him again that it was the truth. He had trouble believing God really actually liked him. How sucky is that....to believe God hates you!? That's heavy!
The two of us prayed and even told satan to take a flying leap back to where he came from and thanked God for His protection and His love. The atmosphere of his room changed....it really did! Heaven reigned in his room.

This morning, our boy woke up claiming that he only woke up twice just to read the passages I'd given him and then he fell asleep again without any nightmares! What a joy! He later shared that he was REALLY glad that he knew God didn't hate him and wasn't disappointed with him. What a change. His life humbles me. I will miss these boys when we move.

Be blessed and read Psalm 139 again and think about how God REALLY sees you!

A New Year, a new focus....

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! It's officially 2007....perhaps the busiest year of my life yet....and probably yours, too!? We had the wonderful opportunity of spending new years time with Tim's family this week.
We got to hold our niece, Justice and our nephew, Micah and play games with the fam. Despite some difficult and emotional circumstances, the weekend was joyful and peaceful. We even managed to fit in another Benefit Tea for the Philippines and keep our group home kids happy and included in all the festivities!

Now back to work. Holidays are over and it's "pedal to the metal" with fundraising and selling the contents of our home. And it's no surprise that just when I need to get things going and the ball a-rolling, that satan kicks me and tries to send me sailing off course. The last two days I have been faced with disturbing dreams and frustrating temptation. I won't tell you details, because I am sure you can relate without me sharing further.

You'd think that now that I have a distinct focus and a clear call, that I should be able to just fix my eyes on Jesus and the goal of our journey and fight the temptation. But no...I am once again humbled by my unmistakable need for my Saviour. Though I feel spirits lurking around every corner ready to pounce on my vulnerable spirit, you'd think it would lead me to crying out for Jesus, but no....my weak spirit does cry out for His help, but my flesh gives in. Then I loathe my flesh once more and cry out for mercy in repentance. What a wretched woman I am! (Romans 7) Paul understood and both his calling and vision were far beyond mine.

I desired to start 2007 off with a clean and pure slate and already the fiery darts have burned holes in my character and tried to cauterize the flow of His Spirit. I am desperate for His washing...His freedom-giving, anti-bacterial soap. "Lord Jesus, I am sorry for not trusting that Your grace is sufficient for me and that You will never allow me to walk in temptation without giving me a way out. (1 Corinthians 10:13) I am sorry for not choosing the way out."

2 Corinthians 12:9
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

This is my prayer.

May the Lord fill you with His Spirit that you may not fall into temptation, in Jesus' Name. Be Blessed.