Ever do this?

Ever bite off more than you can chew? This gull certainly did! Tim took these pictures the other day while on a walk with Uncle Bob and Aunt Sylvia. We had a good laugh as we watched this determined gull try to swallow the starfish whole! No kidding! Instead of breaking it down into bits (as if it could!), this gull kept trying to get all five legs into his mouth and down his throat.

It didn't work. He even got creative and tried bashing the fish on rocks to see if it would miraculously burst open with full starfish flavor, but it really just bounced! Poor, poor gull. He obviously had never been taught that starfish have a hard candy shell.

Have you ever done that?....Just taken a big bite outta something that just won't be broken, controlled or consumed? And like this gull, you spend countless hours trying to find a way to gain power or control over it or the situation you created, but really you're just wasting time? This gull could've left this starfish or thrown it back to the sea and started on something more appetizing, like a mussel or oyster! Some things aren't meant to be fought with. It's not our battle and we can move on...thank the Lord!!!

However, there are times when God calls us to growth through finding creative ways to deal with starfish in our beaks. No doubt this gull tried and tried...his perseverance astounds me! And maybe that's why he was fighting the starfish....purely for a test in perseverance...not that gulls need character development, but you get my drift....or at least I hope you do!

In other words, only when God guides, He provides (as my dad always says!), otherwise, God will provide a way out....and escape....like throwing the starfish BACK into the water!

1 Corinthians 10:12-13
"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall (or bite off more than you can chew!!!) No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."

A leap of faith....

I like little frogs....when we were on vacation last month, we hiked to a pond where thousands of little frogs scattered into the water as we came upon their territory. I caught a few.....this one is just about to make a getaway! Smart frog! To give you an idea as to how small this bugger was, that's my first finger he's sitting on!

There are tons of other vacation photos I could share, but it's the obscure ones that remind me of God's provision over our break from monotony.

Ever feel like God is asking you to take a leap of faith? Strangely enough, I am more comfortable with leaping by faith than my hubby, but sometimes I'm just needing adventure or change and it may not be exactly God's best. The irony is that I'm never bored....there's so much to do, but I seem to get antsy that what I am currently doing isn't valuable enough or not making a good enough impact on those around me....work, work, work. But there's God again....there to calm me and teaching me to recognize that everyday is a day that He has ordained...every one of my steps today is calculated and filtered through the loving fingers of God....your day, too! That's often hard to remember when painful things arise and routine sets in, but the truth remains. Psalm 139:1-3 shares that God even knows when we sit down or pick our toenails....He sees it all! See...

"O LORD, You have searched me and known me. You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You understand my thought from afar. You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways."

He's intimately acquainted! INTIMATELY.....ooooh....that's kinda scary.....makes me think of some of the things I'd rather not have Him see....He even understands my thoughts...and while I hate that, it is a blessing and a gift that there are times that I cannot utter a prayer because my heart is heavy, but God knows and understands the very thoughts and attitudes of my heart....He doesn't always need me to spell them out.....isn't God good? But He delights when I talk to Him and make it known that I am willing to let Him into all the areas of my heart....even though He knows them anyway...He just likes the invitation. And He wants to be invited into the black areas, too....He's good at sweeping out the gunk. AND He knows my innermost desire for adventure and a leap of faith. I wait on Him and His direction. Peace. "Even before there is a word on my tongue, Behold, O LORD, You know it all." Psalm 139:4

"GET ME OUTTA HERE!!"

Can't ya just see this little girl saying that? I took this picture when my friend, Alissa, and I went to Granville Island a couple weeks ago. We were laughing hysterically at the many children who were fascinated by the "pretty birdies", but of course when they got too close....."AHHHGH, BAD BIRDIE!! MOMMY!!!" Pretty funny.....the expression on the little-one's face is definitely how I was feeling when I wrote the last two posts.

But then something happened....a phone call from my mom helped....the encouragement from others was awesome....I had a heavy argument with Tim that accomplished a lot... but what did it was that I gave up! Yeah....I just gave up! Gave up trying to speak up, gave up trying to stay quiet, gave up trying to "do the right thing" and just gave up all the expectations I'd laid upon myself to "fix" or help the people or situations presently pestering Tim and I...AND I dug up the garden!

As I mentioned before, I was planning on digging up my three year-old garden this fall to reestablish the sad soil and change things around a bit. That was my task yesterday....6 hours later, the garden was just dirt and a few mature (too big to move) plants.....after 3 spider bites, extremely dirty clothes, two torn gloves, dirt-filled fingernails, 2 types of fertilizer, an aching bum, 5 or 6 scratches down the arms, bruises on the legs, shaking hands and a sweaty forehead, I was ready to plant BULBS and SEEDS! The part I had worked 6 hours for! And 80 bulbs later, I was done....ready to clean up. This 6-hour distraction from the monotony of stinky life circumstances fueled me with a sense of true reality.... and as I fought all kinds of bugs, spiders, bees, and stubborn roots, Ephesians 6:11-13 came to mind....again:

"Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand."

Now how many times have I read that verse!? I have it memorized! But how often have I really taken it to comfort me and restore my peace of heart and mind!? It is supposed to be an encouragement from our Lord and I was encouraged! It brought some needed clarity, too....

The struggles Tim and I are going through have very LITTLE to do with the actual persons involved and everything to do with the enemy....satan....the bad one. Yeah, the people involved may be giving place to the devil, but really, I don't need to concern myself with them....just the underlying spirits that seek to destroy my relationships and steal away my peace. I could stop gardening just because the spiders bite, the bees sting, and roots are just too hard to dig up.....or I could realize that in order to enjoy the beauty of God's creation and take (a healthy) pride in a job well-done when in spring the bulbs give birth to beautiful flowers! I have to endure the pain of "the curse" (see Genesis....a 'man' has to work the soil to yield a harvest) in order to understand and experience the blessings.

Unfortunately, part of the curse is that bees NEED stingers now and spiders HAVE to bite to protect themselves....likewise....people protect themselves and their interests by being INFLUENCED and sometimes POSSESSED by the devil and essentially hurting others around them in the process.....just like my ouwie spider bites. That's where I persevere....fostering blessing in the relationships that bug me the most. But that's not to say that those people cannot help their attitudes, actions and situations, but they answer to God and have to give an account of their behavior, but they do not answer to me! This SHOULD give me joy! I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THEM! BUT!! I am responsible for my attitude and giving into depression and intimidation on account of them just lets satan have more control in their lives and mine, too. I am accountable to God and He calls me to bless them 'cuz my struggle is not against them, but FOR them....I am fighting in the spirit for their reconciliation and righteousness. Still....I struggle to do even that....but I am a work in progress. Be blessed!

Dying to Self.......again....

You'd think I'd get the hang of it by now!!

Another picture taken on our vacation to the great north of British Columbia! Some of the headstones were dated all the way back to the gold rush in the 1800s! But this isn't a history dissertation.....this image is very appropriate to the battle in my head.....long sigh....

Last post I was sharing some of the struggles I've been having with learning to live out Ephesians....I was so blessed by the comments a few of you made and I even received some phone calls on encouragement.....nice to know people are reading! I better be careful though, eh??

But I was sent a very intense e-mail by a friend that challenged me on how I can speak the truth in love.....it was really good...I've often told her she should be a preacher! But something hit me yesterday...I got a phone call from a parent of a couple of our kids and she has spent most of her life struggling. Whether it be drugs, alcohol, or emotional abuse, she's seen it all. She shared with me her story and her fears for the future.....having her kids in our care, Tim and I have seen the effects of her lifestyle negatively affect her young kids. It's grieved us deeply. Although I had never spent any lengthy time talking with her, she opened her heart and I was humbled. She cried out for help and I listened. At the end, I shared with her some practical solutions or "helps" for her current dilemmas and realized that many of my suggestions were very difficult for her to follow through with. No doubt she felt stuck.

But what hit me the most was her willingness to be completely REAL, raw.....and her DESIRE to change her current lifestyle and its effects on her kids. She was so ready and desperate for something to take control of her, to ease her fears, and comfort her in her pain that when I asked her if she felt like she had hope for her kids and her future, she said a sobbing "no". But then, instead of staying in that place of hopelessness and despair, she said, "but I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get that...." That's when I realized that the only person that could even remotely bring her hope was Jesus. I asked her if I could pray for her and if she had ever surrendered to the God that created her, loved her, knew her inside and out, and gave Himself for her.....she said that early in life, she had been to church, but had trouble with faith and church people...she felt like she just couldn't be like them. I could relate. She shared about the many "christians" who had hurt her all in the name of God and how they used "religion" as an answer to everything. I could relate.

I told her that sometimes the greatest hinderance to people knowing Jesus personally are the very people who say they know Him. She agreed to me praying for her aloud on the phone....I prayed for peace, for hope and for wisdom.....that Jesus would show her who He REALLY was and that she would recognize how much He loves her and desires to not just walk beside, but CARRY her through this incredible struggle in her life. I got off the phone after an hour and felt as though Jesus was taking care of it...I was done until further notice. What hit me then is how I had no problem telling her the truth about her lifestyle's negative impact on her kids and how things could get worse if she didn't take care of herself...I had no problem telling her that Jesus was really the only One that could get her through this because, clearly, so many people had let her down and I had no problem praying with her....I discovered that while I cared about her life and salvation, I didn't care if she was offended by the things I said and part of me didn't even care if she took my advice. If she was ticked at my methods or reported me to the powers that be, I didn't even care! What a blessing to be at that place. And yet, it depressed me because as I wrote in the last post, I cannot seem to do that with those who I am forced to have relationship with.

I struggle to speak my mind, share what the Word says, offer help, or just speak about the Lord with them. I feel unsafe with little confidence and though I wouldn't say fear is there, I feel an enormous amount of pressure to keep things status quo....not rock the boat..... The difference is that this parent I spoke with had a heart desiring to make wrongs right, confessed the things she struggled with and wanted to change things for the sake of others. Her heart was repentent and even if she can't make changes for a long time, she's willing and open to admit their effects on those around her. I have patience and grace for that. I struggle with being around people who refuse to acknowledge the pain they've caused and yet expect others to just accept being their doormat. The only way I FEEL I can deal with the battle in my head (which is to know what HIS good and perfect will is and the RIGHT way to deal with all this poo) is to serve....force myself to be quiet and to serve....I'm still searching....waiting for God's timing to speak the truth like mom said....putting on the armour of God and standing firm in the truth like Nishki said, and trying to practice grace and patience like Jesus said. And so I pray..."God...make me like You, because I so desire to be a blessing and not cause pain...fill me with your Spirit and give me wisdom...choke out bitterness and anger and flush out intimidation....in Jesus' Name. Amen." ---sigh----

A week later......sorry for the delay!

This passed week, my best friends, Alissa, and my mom came to visit Vancouver! We had a great time and I have to confess that I didn't have any time to post a new entry. Sorry 'bout that! But things are now back to normal....or somewhat.

But I am ready to go back. Pictured is the B&B Tim and I stayed at on our vacation in Lac la Hache, BC. The picture doesn't do the garden justice and you can't see the beautiful lake Tim is looking at, but you get the idea. It was great. I need to go back there now. Time for another rest. Oh, and by the way....Thank you all for the many comments on the last post!

As I mentioned before, the first two days of our vacation prepared us for the re-entry into stressful life here at home. Right when we got home, we scooted off to Bellingham to pick up my best friend and then mom came on Sunday, Alissa left on Monday, mom left on Wednesday and now, today.....time to go back to work. What a blessing it was to have my two best friends here and now that they are gone, I cannot help but feel a sense of loss and little low...my family now far away. My dad calls that the "Monday blues".... like the feeling the day after a big drama production.... But what I am REALLY feeling is a dread to go through the next couple of months. I LOVE this time of year when the leaves fall and the weather changes...when the garden dies and I have to dig up stuff and get dirty.....but this year, there's more than just the garden to dig up.....it's a myriad of emotions, a plethora of pain, and the having to "suck it up", so to speak.

Ever feel stuck and forced to "suck up" the pain and emotions you feel? Ever feel like people or maybe a person in particular is giving you the message that it's time to "move on", don't cause waves and certainly...DO NOT ROCK THE BOAT!? Ever feel forced to enjoy the presence and company of people who hate you and have NO concern for your life and you cannot confront them? Ever dealt with people who refuse to repent for the pain they've caused? Ever feel like someone else is controlling your life...dictating your every move and it isn't God...the One who knows best and has your best interest at heart? Ever feel the ache to be real, but no one wants you REAL, they want you to "put up, shut up, and suck it up"? Am I depressing you, yet? Sorry. But that's where I'm at, that's what I FEEL, probably NOT reality, but the feelings are real. That's the struggle of having to endure the next 5 or 6 weeks. My desire is to get to a place where I don't feel like ENDURING it, but I can THRIVE in it....speak truth in love, be who I am without limitations or expectations, say no to events I desire not to attend because of associated pain, spend quality time with those who DESIRE my company and desire to know me......is there hope for that??

Well....let's see.....Zechariah 8:15b-17 says, "Do not be afraid. These are the things you are to do: Speak the truth to each other, and render true and sound judgment in your courts; do not plot evil against your neighbor, and do not love to swear falsely. I hate all this," declares the LORD."
Okay...the Lord is not speaking directly to me in this passage, but I certainly can learn from this direction. I can speak the truth in love and I won't plot evil against people around me...I won't hate those who hate me...got it, no prob. And then there's Ephesians 4:1-5; 14-16; 25-32..........

"1As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. 2Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 3Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit (--what if the Spirit isn't present in the people we're talking about??) through the bond of peace. 4There is one body and one Spirit —just as you were called to one hope when you were called 5one Lord, one faith, one baptism; 6one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all."

--Uh, oh....feeling a little convicted now....

"14Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. 15Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. 16From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work."

--I am CALLED to speak the truth, though, so that people may grow! That's a big responsibility!......

"25Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26"In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27and do not give the devil a foothold. 28He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need."

--In my intense pain, I have been angry...I gotta deal with it...HELP LORD!

"29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

--Does that mean speaking truth in love no matter what boat it rocks and how many waves it creates? Forgiving doesn't mean "moving on", it means accepting repentant heart and extending grace? What if there isn't any repentance? Still more to come and more to learn, I guess......something for next post!

We're home! Now what!?

As many of you know, Tim and I went on a 7-day journey to visit the north of British Columbia. Our final destination was the home of his brother, sister-in-law, and new baby girl, Justice.

What a beautiful country we live in! We had the opportunity to stay in a B&B on Timothy Lake the first two days of our journey....planning a vacation?? Check out Timothy Mountain B&B near Lac La Hache....the best B&B we've ever stayed in and lovely people, too! We canoed (hence the picture to your right that I took with Tim's camera from the canoe), roasted marshmallows, took walks in the garden, Tim took TONS of pictures....our own private lake.....ahhh....so great. Our hostess made sure that we had a warm fire every night along with hot tea and chocolate chip cookies. She was sooo gracious and you could tell that she and her hubby loved what they did. What was even more special is that she and her husband were fairly new Jesus followers and had their own take on the state of affairs in the world. Their heart for married couples and their desire to bless those they come into contact with really floored me. What an incredible ministry they have there in their quiet, peaceful home.

We really needed that time and I wish we could've stayed a few more days! Nothing like having someone else cook you breakfast, eh? And then there was Tim....ahhh. Peace. Some of the greatest rest we've had married in a long time. It was exactly what we needed to get through these next couple of weeks. I'll elaborate later......

God is so faithful to bring us to places where we can rest in His peace. His peace was so hard for me to find in the last couple of weeks at home, but going to that B&B rested my heart and mind to a place where I could accept His comfort, His peace, without interruption. It also gave me the drive to seek it more fervently when I got home! Oh, how I've missed His peace! And as soon as we left that B&B, satan was right there to try and take it away! But I am determined to keep it close....cherish it and seek it....when I find it, I find His presence and that's what keeps me ticking. Have you found His peace this week? Will it take going someplace quiet, special, and secluded to find it? I think it's time for another Timothy Mountain B&B visit!! I pray this for you today....Hebrews 13:20-21 "May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may He work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen."
Peace.