Ahhhh.....peace.

Thanks for the comments everyone! I love learning from you all!

Tim and I went photo-hunting with Uncle Bob on Thursday and had a wonderful time! At one point, Tim graciously gave me the camera and I took this picture. Something about the lighting and reflection on the water brought me some peace....as did the company that day, too!

We got up at 5 am, showered and headed over to Uncle Bob's house to catch the sunrise over the mountains. Despite the tiredness of getting up at the crack of dawn, it was one of the most peaceful times of my week.

As many of you know, I've been having a pretty rough time lately. My husband ROCKS and I am soooo incredibly grateful for him and I genuinely love my life and God's divine intervention and presence in it. I am blessed.

But deep inside there is a great pain that seems to increase daily. Though I have tried to disect it and pinpoint where the pain is from, I only come up with a general sense of burn-out and a tiny list of "mini-issues" that really don't matter that much in the whole scheme of things. Uncle Bob listened to my plight and lovingly kicked 'me bum'....I am learning to say 'no' when people ask things of me that I cannot give....I am learning to trust the identity Christ has given me rather than the identity that others around give me....I am learning that God is the only One who can efficiently and wisely plan my (and Tim) future .........that I am not responsible to anyone but God....that unless HE tells me to do something, I don't have the responsibility or pressure to achieve it...I am learning that I don't have to be friends with everyone and that I am valuable no matter whether I am meeting all or none of the needs of those around me......and finally, I am learning that my time and my friendship are valuable and precious things that should not be taken advantage of.

Now all of this may sound selfish and somewhat mean.....it does to me, too. But what I am learning is that setting up healthy boundaries keeps me from burning out and losing the energy to serve others. If I am burned-out or feeling overwhelmed, it could be that I need some time to focus on GOD'S purposes for me right now.....HE may want me to take some time out to focus on Him and what HE thinks of me rather than give until I am empty and no longer have anthing to give. Boundaries are not a sign of weakness or a lack of compassion, care, or concern.....they are a tool that God gives to avoid burn-out, hurt, despair AND they give us the clue that we are valuable to God...we NEED time to stop working, stop focusing on everyone else and their needs and the desire for their approval. We NEED to take time to hear (without distraction) what God REALLY thinks about us.

My sister-in-law sent me a bunch of passages from the Psalms this week....she has been such a blessing in this weird time, thanks to my friend and sister AGAIN!.....anyways, one of the things that hit me was just how many Psalms there are and how LONG they are......King David must have taken long alone times with the Lord in order to write those.....writing them with the distraction of running a kingdom must have been BRUTAL and yet he took time away from 'it' to focus solely on the Lord....to pray, fast, sing, and worship without anyone around and without distraction. Oooops. The last time I really focused on God's true heart for me and really listened to His desires for me was a while ago. I know what I should be doing this week! I'm busy setting boundaries with the Lord.
One of the passages my sister-in-law gave me was Psalm 30 from the Message:

6 "When things were going great I crowed, "I've got it made. 7 I'm God's favorite. He made me king of the mountain." Then you looked the other way and I fell to pieces. 8 I called out to you, God; I laid my case before you: 9 "Can you sell me for a profit when I'm dead? auction me off at a cemetery yard sale? When I'm 'dust to dust' my songs and stories of you won't sell. 10 So listen! and be kind! Help me out of this!" 11 You did it: you changed wild lament into whirling dance; You ripped off my black mourning band and decked me with wildflowers. 12 I'm about to burst with song; I can't keep quiet about you. God, my God, I can't thank you enough."

Thanks, King David, for setting up some boundaries. Be blessed.

"Camping for dummies...."

Thanks, ya'll for the comments...keep 'em coming!

Last night, Tim and I let the boys sleep outside in the backyard because our house was severely impacted by the summer.....TOO HOT! With great excitement and anticipation, the two boys (age 10 and 9) set up their humble tent and blankies, complete with Archie Comics, bug spray, and water. They were scurrying around like mice trying to make their "camping" experience more comfortable. I handed them flashlights and went over some important rules for sleeping in the yard such as "YOU MUST SLEEP" and "no yelling or screaming as we don't want the neighbors to complain".

Then I gave room for questions.....their hands shot up slicker than snot! (they still raise their hands even when hanging out with me!) They asked, "When are YOU coming out to sleep?"

"Me? I thought you guys wanted to sleep out here all by yourselves."

"No way! Too scary! You GOTTA come out here, too!" they answered in great protest.

"Oh, here we go." I thought. Tim and I don't usually go to bed until 1 am or so and we don't usually sleep OUTSIDE. But we agreed to come out later in the evening....they had asked if we would set up a baby monitor outside next to their tent so that we could hear them and made us promise to sleep only a few feet away from them. But I thought, "for sure these guys are gonna want to come in soon...there's no way they'll be able to sleep out here......just wait until they have to pee.....then they'll come inside for good."

When 1 am came along, the boys were fast asleep...they didn't even notice when we laid down our sleeping bag and jostled around them to get comfy. The boys slept until the sun brightened the sky at 5 am...like an alarm clock, they were bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at 5 AM!!....I didn't sleep a wink the whole night....there was a skinny, smelly stray cat with skin issues that kept trying to come and sleep on my pillow and then would try and go into the kids' tent, too! I had to fight him off several times!!!....yucky....kept me WIDE awake. But being awake all night wasn't a complete loss....I got to thinking about these two boys and how insistent they were that we sleep within a few feet of them and how important it was that we could hear them through the baby monitor....they had me test it out like 10 times just to make sure!

It made me think of how much I need Jesus to be right next to me....even when I'm having fun and I'm doing something exciting or out of the ordinary. Just like these boys so confidently set up their tent and tried to be grown up in their strategic planning of how to set up their masterpiece, but at the end of it, they needed me to sleep right next to them. They were desperate for it! They wouldn't sleep in their tent without me. I feel that way about Jesus...I need Him to stay awake all night and make sure that I'm safe as I sleep, I can't do anything without knowing He is there....I'm desperate for His presence even if it is a couple feet away from me....He fights off the evil stray cats in my life and half the time I don't even know it. Reminds me of Psalm 139:1-19, which says,

"O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths (or outside!),
you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.When I awake, I am still with you.
If only you would slay the wicked, O God!Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!" (or stray cats!)

I am so glad He loves me that much to stay with me all night.

Community...God's design.....

Never have I experienced authentic community more clearly than when I entered into a Bible Study with rules. Most people scorn at the thought of rules and strict instruction, but when I attended this Bible Study (the picture shows my awesome lady-friends), I was accountable in my marriage, job, outside relationships and my personal relationship with Jesus. I felt stretched and real. A bunch of ladies from many different countries with various English-speaking abilities gathered together to talk about God????.....who could've thought we would've felt totally comfortable to bear our souls to each other?......but for a common focus and purpose: to grow closer to the heart of Christ and imitate His character. Ah, the power of a common-focused relationship!

That was during the school year, but Bible Study has ended for the summer and already I am missing the challenging questions, enlightening conversations, and the real authenticity of being totally broken before God. And I miss the rules. We weren't allowed to talk about our individual churches, our pastors, or talk negatively about family members. We couldn't miss more than 3 times in a row and we couldn't "debate" or argue on doctrinal issues. The goal was to learn about Christ, grow closer to Him and bless each other. What a difference it made in me throughout the year!

As I wrote in my last post, this past week has been hard....busy...and somewhat lonely and heartwrenching. In the last three days, I have gone through some really stinky things.....non-stop dreams that wake me up at night, lack of energy and focus, and I heard four of my closest and dearest friends share that their husbands either wanted a divorce or that they were being treated cruely. Oddly enough, it was their desire to reconcile with their husbands and see God's best. Though these situations are not as bleak as what is going on in foreign lands, my heart is heavy and I long to see God reconcile these men to their wives in the same way I desire to see war-torn lands reconcile....God's heart is for reconciliation.... and relationship, too, because when their is true relationship, there is authenticity and vulnerability and where they are, reconciliation is possible.

What does this have to do with Bible Study....well, the relationships I built through the authentic study of God's Word encouraged me to reconcile relationships that had been severed and it humbled me to admit I suck. No really.....the more you understand yourself, the more you realize you suck, the more you see and put others before and ahead of yourself, the more you reconcile....see the correlation?? I am finding I need to go back to Bible Study. I need to be reminded of Philippians 2:2-4, which says:

"then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."

I want my friend's husbands to treat them like this. I want to treat others like this, too. For now, my heart is heavy. Sorry for all the lowly posts...."this too shall pass" and as my mom always says, "it CAME here to PASS!"........I am praying for my dear friends and praying how I can be a help. I ache for them.......

may you be blessed with the gift of reconciliation today.

STILL waiting for miracles.....

What a crazy week it's been! Holding my brand new niece, Justice, again last night was such a blessing.....it seemed to almost immediately silence the craziness and chaos of the house.....loud noises seemed to be drowned out and the difficulty of "family gatherings" eased. She is a gift.

This picture is of Tim and my mom and dad facing the Burrard Inlet when they came and visited up here a while ago. They need to visit again.

Overwhelmed by the week's business, I dropped into bed last night battling with depression. Missing my mom....feeling a need to be cared for....not even knowing what that need was....just wanting to be rescued or taken away.....feeling an overwhelming need to be rescued. I kinda whimpered in my sleep. Amazing how quickly my countenance had changed from not too long ago when I wrote down my deepest dreams on this very blog....mmmm. I think it's connected. Perhaps it's the state of affairs in the world....the new flashes of violence and grief, maybe it's just that "time of the month" or an emotional drainage scenario.....Not sure why the ghastly sense of loneliness appeared and not sure when it will leave and then the Lord led me to Psalm 77 again (notice I used a portion of this a blog or two ago....)

"1 I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me.
2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted.
3 I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
4 You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak.
5 I thought about the former days, the years of long ago;
6 I remembered my songs in the night. My heart mused and my spirit inquired:
7 "Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show His favor again?
8 Has His unfailing love vanished forever? Has His promise failed for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has He in anger withheld his compassion?"
10 Then I thought, "To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High."
11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will meditate on all Your works and consider all your mighty deeds.
13 Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God?
14 You are the God who performs miracles; You display your power among the peoples. 15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.
16 The waters saw you, O God, the waters saw you and writhed; the very depths were convulsed.
17 The clouds poured down water, the skies resounded with thunder; your arrows flashed back and forth.
18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind, your lightning lit up the world; the earth trembled and quaked.
19 Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen.
20 You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron."

And so I press on in midst of the feelings.

Hosea 6:2-3 says, "After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will restore us, that we may live in his presence. Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge Him. As surely as the sun rises, He will appear; He will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth." And the thought comes to me..."Oh please, God....that's what I need!" And though I seem to feel His silence, I know He is there. I cannot turn from His presence....I need it so bad....especially in these times. Where can I turn for comfort, but to the Comforter.

And therefore, I try to refocus, pray against pride and self-pity and do Philippians 3:13-14 which says, "But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus."
Heavy. And jsut now my hubby came in with gerbera daisies for me. I'm humbled.

IT'S A GIRL!!!!! (I'm an Aunt AGAIN!)

YEAH!!! So the talk on miracles Sunday came to pass yesterday (Monday, July 17, 2006)! A healthy baby girl, named Justice, was born yesterday to my brother-in-law and sister-in-law and she is BEAUTIFUL!

Her mom and dad are healthy and strong and didn't even have to go to the hospital! Talk about "natural birth"! Born in a friend's bed, this baby is going to have quite the birthday story! Her momma was amazing and was already welcoming visitors not even an hour after the birth!!! She's pretty incredible!

Perfectly healthy with all her fingers and toes this little lady Justice is another reminder of God's faithfulness and His delight.

Tim and I are once again VERY proud Uncle Fuzz and Aunt B.....we even got to be there just minutes after she was born! What a precious gift and she has a name very fitting. May she bring God's "Justice" and grace wherever she goes!

Psalm 33:4-5
"For the word of the LORD is right and true; He is faithful in all he does. The LORD loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of His unfailing love."

Yes, Justice, you are loved and a delight of the Lord! We delight in your birth and can't wait to hear your parents GUSH over you! Praise the Lord!....and I'm her favorite Aunt! :p

Waiting for miracles........

What a week! Last post I wrote a lot about the visions God has placed in my heart.....it was really hard for me to get the guts to write them down....and no sooner did I list them that I began to doubt their ability to become reality. Ah, the devil is a crafty one, eh?

But at church this morning, I was reminded once again of God's perfect blessings and His miracles in waiting.......The baby pictured is my niece born over two years ago, but it is very appropriate for what's been going on around here lately. We are (as I write) awaiting the arrival of ANOTHER baby into the family on Tim's side! We're gonna be Aunt B and Uncle Fuzz for the THIRD time!!! (I'm the favorite aunt...it's true!) Tim's brother and his wife are having their first baby today or tomorrow (we're in early labor stages right now) and the excitement is growing just as big as she is! She is a beautiful pregnant lady and no doubt that if the baby takes after her, he/she will be blessed! ;p

But the baby I want to talk about first is one year old today. He has ministered God's faithfulness to me more than any other person I know. He was born with cancerous brain tumors and growths. His parents were told the minute he was born that he could not survive the night. When he did, the doctors told them that he wouldn't survive the week....and then they did risky surgery. His white cell count dropped, his kidneys failed, his body was shutting down.....but he survived the week. Then the doctors said that he could not survive the month and they continued to do surgery on him to remove cancer and pumped his tiny body full of meds.....but this little guy wouldn't die. They burned his little feet with all the exploratory treatments and stuck tubes throughout his body. His parents and our church continued to pray for his recovery. The doctors weren't even hopeful....they said it was impossible that his frail baby body could withstand such heavy treatments. The brain tumors were just too big and they were destroying his motor functions.

His parents continued to pray that God would heal him and today I got to play with him at church.....he smiled and giggled lots. With a scar reaching from one end of his head to the other and a long feeding tube up through his nose, he smiles cancer-free, tumor-free and almost fully recovered! He has all his fingers and toes, his eyesight, hearing and he is a busy one, too! No kidding! No doubt he will have to go through therapies of all sorts throughout his life, but then again, God could take care of that, too!

That precious baby is a constant reminder to me that God's promises are not just there to get us to trust or have faith in Him...they are there to be accomplished...to be finished. As we wait for our new niece/nephew to arrive, it is a promise fulfilled and a sign of God's business in miracles. What He says, He will do.

Psalm 77:13-15

"Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples. With your mighty arm you redeemed (and still REDEEM!) your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph."

Psalm 77:11-12 11

"I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds."

Stay tuned and I'll let you know the baby details as they come!!!

The Vision of my soul......

Last post I had shared that I was challenged to actually sit and write down the visions and dreams God had placed in my heart. My mom commented and said to give the "reader's digest" version.....considering I originally wrote 4 pages, I think I'll take her advice. :p I also thought I'd edit them as some of them are pretty personal...innermost me.

So I guess I should first explain the picture here....it's a page from my scrapbook of our trip to the Dominican Republic. We painted Dominican faces for hours with cheap "dollar store" face paints sweating in the humidity and probably smelling worse than the raw sewage in the street! I tell ya, though....this was one of the best times ever and just a foreshadow of what is to come. I could live there......YEAH!
I think the ultimate goal and aim of these dreams and visions is best described in 2 Corinthians 4:5-10, which says,

"For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus' sake. For God, who said, "Let light shine out of darkness, made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body."

When He accomplishes His work in me and the dreams He's given me it is my hope that His light will shine through- bursting out of my darkness (of which there is a lot!!)......so, here's the "reader's digest" list, mom.....

1. I want to open homes for children where government cannot control the amount of love and care they can receive emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
2. I want to open free arts and trade schools for both children and adults in places where their current concern is limited to where and when they will get their next meal.....Iwant to have it already made for them!
3. I want to see impoverished families put back together and provided with lifetime supplies of nutrition and resources (ie. opportunities for education, water purification systems and the like)
4. I want to see houses filled with people sharing food and laughter praying for each other and enjoying the faithfulness and joy of Jesus.
5. I want to see Tim (my hubby-man) traveling from house to house training worship leaders through authentic relationships and "jam sessions" :P
6. I want to see my mom and dad released in their talents and giftings to come overseas (or wherever) and bless people without health issues or physical/financial concerns and maybe even work with me in the children's homes teaching and loving on all their "grandkids".
7. I want to see children writing their stories and experiences in their native languages bringing their family, friends, and their country's leaders into a relationship with Jesus Christ.
8. I want to have children that trust their daddy (Tim) and love people...with a desire to serve them, but love Jesus whole-heartedly first and foremost.
9. I want to bring people into the presence of God through worshipping with Tim and have a marriage that is a positive example for others.
10. I want to live on a farm where children and young adults can come and learn integrity, discipline and responsibility through hard work and authentic relationships.
11. I want to see children have compassion on each other...consistently caring for each others' needs with a strong faith in Christ.
12. I want to be a blessing and sense my Heavenly Father's delight in all of the above. :)

"Whew! Oh, God...use me! I suck ROYALLY, but I know with You, God....ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE! You can even use me. That's my heart." By faith I write these visions down and by faith, they will happen! God is faithful.
1 Thessalonians 5:24 "The One who calls you is faithful and He will do it." Amen to that!!
Thanks for all the comments!

Searching for the 'invisible'.......

Thanks for the comments, guys! I know things have been quiet for a while, but I hope y'all will comment when you have stuff to share....

Tim took this picture last week when we went sailing with Uncle Bob, Aunt Sylvia and my in-laws. Good times. (by the way, Bob and Sylvia are not 'really' my uncle and aunt...they are more like spiritual foster parents :).

I spent a lot of time that day thinking....about where Tim and I are at....our visions for the future and what we want to impart to the kids we work with presently. With the wind in my hair, freezing my butoosky off, the harsh waves that frequently splashed my face, and my tummy feeling a bit off (it was a VERY rough sail that day....really fun, though), I'd say thinking about eternal things like 'my vision' or 'calling' was difficult.

Then on Sunday, my father-in-law really challenged me with the suggestion and clear need to write down the BIG dreams and visions God has placed deep within me. "I have them in my head-I don't need to write them down!", I thought, but writing them down became a difficult task.....gutsy for me, somewhat, as I am ever plagued with the false fear that those dreams and visions can never manifest into reality....they are just too far fetched. Thinking about them from time to time is way easier than having to WRITE them into words. But as I began to write, Philippians 1:5-6 rolled around in my head....

"because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
And then Ephesians 2: 8-10 came to mind..... "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

In other words....it ISN'T MY ability that accomplishes these visions and dreams (of which I will share next post :P), but it is HIS grace over me and HIS workmanship and design that God has prepared long ago for me to be a part of. His greater vision. His big picture. He has chosen ME for His greater purpose!!! BOY...THAT TAKES THE PRESSURE OFF! I cannot boast in it, because it is Him in me that will accomplish all that He has planned. With HIM, I cannot fail...no dream or vision is too far-fetched! And as I began to write pages and pages of what I desired deep within me, I felt God's delight....as if He were writing the pages of my life story in a precious book, lovingly and carefully writing each word. Whoa. Heavy. The exercise actually poured in more faith that those visions were going to come to completion. I was pulling what seemed invisible-random thoughts in my distracted brain-into the visible-clear, concise words on a page ready to be accomplished. Wow. Cool. "He who began a GOOD WORK in ME (inside and out) is able and READY to COMPLETE IT! (no matter how long it takes!)

Many blessings to you all and write those visions down!

Renewing my Passion......

I have been so blessed by God's provision with the flowers in my garden. This picture is just one of the many flowers growing there this year..... The Passion Flower......

Two summers ago, my mother-in-law and I were at a garden center when I spotted a plant that intrigued me so much, I just had to have it. When I brought it to the check-out counter, the cashier said, "Do you know how to care for a Passion Flower plant?" I was just learning to garden and I had never seen a plant like this one, so I REALLY didn't know how to care for it, so I answered a cautious "no". The cashier said that I needed to plant it in a bigger pot when I got home and fertilize it monthly, take it inside the house in the winter, prune it in the late spring, dead-head it as it's flowering and make sure it stays warm. "GOSH", I thought....this plant is HIGH maintenance! I don't want a plant like that! I'll kill it for sure! When I told the cashier that I wanted to plant it outside, she said sarcastically, "Good luck with that!" I brought it home anyway.

So I came home and "strategically" planted it along the fence in my front yard...in the place with the most sun...in well-drained soil....I REALLY planted it there to fight off the MASSIVE Morning Glory that had overtaken the yard...let's just say THAT Morning Glory was not so glorious. It had invaded every plant and was even growing up through the lawn! I had spent over 6 hours one day digging it up from the roots....long-spreading roots that never seemed to end.....but I had found the MOTHER-LOAD root and had taken an axe to it. I was sure it would finally die. Yeah, it was still growing in places. But the Passion Flower with its climbing power and soft tendrils would fight off the growing Morning Glory....or so I thought.

That summer, the Passion Flower grew like a machine! All over the fence were these beautiful, vibrant, fragrant flowers just like the picture above. I was thrilled. And there were only a few Morning Glory vines popping up here and there! And then winter came. I dressed that vine with fleece and newspaper hoping the cold winter storms wouldn't kill it. It looked sad and I didn't think it would come back. Between all the earwigs that had nested in it in the summer, eating it's beautiful blossoms, the Morning Glory threatening to come back, and the harsh winter freezes, it just couldn't survive. I didn't follow the flowers' care directions either...there was no way this vine was going to survive the winter.

BUT, as spring came, tiny shoots came out of the trunk and tendrils fought their way out to the fence to hold on. IT CAME BACK!! And it came back this year, too! Healthier than ever! Spanning about 50 feet long!!!! God is soooo good! It's life and perseverance has baffled me, so I decided to look up it's background and history. I thought it was called a passion flower because it was supposed to be an aphrodisiac or something....the fragrance is so potent. But here's what I found....

When Christian missionaries arrived in South America in the 16th century, they found a plant which they felt was a good "omen" for their mission. They called it the passion flower because to them it symbolized the death of Christ. The five sepals and five petals of the flower represent the disciples without Peter and Judas (supposedly because they betrayed Jesus). The double row of purple-colored filaments, called the corona, signifies the halo around Christ's head or the crown of thorns, the purple signifying the royalty of Christ as King of kings. The five stamens, where the yellow pollen is, symbolize the wounds and the nails respectively. The vines tendrils resemble the whips used when Christ was beaten. The three brown round things with the flattened heads represent the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit. Pretty amazing, eh? And yet, I think those missionaries were in la-la-land when they came up with this! But after seeing my Passion Flower endure crazy weather, horrible garden pests, a REALLY AWFUL Morning Glory plant (which reminded me of the devil!) and a far-from-expert gardener...I must say it has reminded me of Christ more than any other flower I've seen. The Morning Glory (the devil!) is gone, too! The Passion Flower's strength, perseverance and the pure joy it gives me when another bloom bursts open gives me hope from my Jesus. It renews MY passion. God is my expert gardener....Mmmm. That reminds me of John 15:1-5:

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

AWESOME!

Blessed.....I hope.

Thank you for the comments, friends! Sorry it's been a while....lots of distractions these last few weeks! So we press on....

I like this picture. It's the daisy on my front porch. It makes me think of the many blessings God has given me....one very tangible blessing is the vast array of flowers in my yard. It's pretty nuts the amount of growing that's going on.

But lately my heart has been heavy with some stress and circumstance. Some pressure from people to "do more" and pressure to "be more".....trying to stay teachable and pleasant, but feeling overwhelmed. But I do not serve a God of chaos or a God of confusion. I know this is the devil's way of keeping me distracted from what I know is God's greatest plan and desire for my life. He has placed in me dreams that sometimes burst within me in anticipation for His creative accomplishing. He is the only One who can make them come into reality. That is SO encouraging. I just wait and lay down the expectations of those around me and listen to the One who really knows me. What I am failing at and not doing within the stress is praising and worshipping the God who knows me....I have been crying out to Him, but when He comes, I do not worship Him...I seem to take the peace He gives and run right into the stress again followed by my running to Him to give me that peace one more time and then running into the stress again. I am "casting my cares on Him" and then not thanking Him or giving Him the glory where it is due....Oh, Lord. I'm sorry.

And then He showed me Mary. When she was at her most nerve-wrecking hour, when life seemed to have given her a BIG surprise, when God saw her worthy to carry His Son, she did not cry to God and move on...look what she did........

In this passage, Elizabeth, the mother of John the Baptist, is saying to Mary, the mother of Jesus, that she is blessed by God because of her belief that God would do all He said He would do. And Mary's reaction is not to panic under the circumstance, but to worship.....
Luke 1:45-55
"Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!" And Mary said: "My soul glorifies the Lord and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior, for he has been mindful of the humble (and desperate: Bethany paraphrased) state of his servant. From now on all generations will call me blessed, for the Mighty One has done great things for me— holy is his name. His mercy extends to those who fear him, from generation to generation (that's us!! : Bethany paraphrased!). He has performed mighty deeds with his arm; he has scattered those who are proud in their inmost thoughts. He has brought down rulers from their thrones but has lifted up the humble. He has filled the hungry with good things but has sent the rich away empty. He has helped his servant Israel, remembering to be merciful to Abraham and his descendants forever, even as he said to our fathers." Abraham believed the promises of the Lord, too, and it was credited to him as RIGHTEOUSNESS! (see Genesis 15:6) Cool!

Case and point: God follows through with His promises! Why do we allow the stressors and circumstances of this world to take away our belief in His promises and the peace He has so graciously provided for us or to even distract us from them? Mary knew the trials she'd face by carrying the Messiah, being a virgin, and raising God's Son. Whoa....what am I complaining about!! I believe in the promises He has placed within me...that He will accomplish them regardless of my outer circumstance and therfore... I AM BLESSED! (and you are, too!)