White as Snow.....

Yup, our house...it's still snowing....lovely Vancouver weather....abnormal, but lovely.

We had such a great time playing in the snow this passed weekend....the boys built snow forts, skating ramps and had snowball fights! It was good to just let them go while I got to stand in the warm kitchen drinking coffee waiting for them to rush in with the latest "He hit me" or "so-and-so won't stop bugging me" or the classic, "so-and-so threw a snowball at my head!!"

Yeah, it's bound to happen...the whole snowball in the head thing...what'd you expect to happen during a snowball fight? Silly boys.

Despite having to work during the weather surprise, Tim and I had a really peaceful weekend...and managed to get sooo much done as a result of being confined to our home.

I think God knew we needed a couple days of peace...a quiet house....the peaceful snow gently covering every inch of the city....the only sounds in the house are the furnace, the fireplace, and the occasional telephone call. It's given us time to rejuvenate, set some priorities and thank the Lord for providing the snow. It's an amazing reminder of His creativity and beauty.

It also reminds me of how faithful He is to give me many "second chances". There have been days this week when I have been frustrated and low....vulnerable to temptation and open for sin and yet this snowfall has led me to Psalm 51...no doubt King David was in a similar place when he wrote this.....

1 "Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.

2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.

4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.

5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;
you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.

14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

15 O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.

16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.

19 Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar."

He is so faithful to forgive, so willing to start afresh and make me white as snow...and He doesn't just COVER the sin with snow like the blanket of snow that covers the ground, He penetrates it causing me to be transformed.....He washes me so that I am white as snow. *sigh* I am broken.
May He encourage you with His love and kindness!

American Thanksgiving......

Last week, Tim and I had the opportunity to visit my family in Oregon for American Thanksgiving! What a VERY busy week it was!
Here's a pic of Tim and I with our precious nephew, Benjamin.

As I mentioned a couple of posts ago, Tim and I also were planning on meeting with the directors of the Newlife International School of Midwifery we're hoping to attend in September! So last Tuesday, we drove to Vancouver, Washington to finally introduce ourselves to the long-time directors of the Philippines-based school.

We had 3 1/2 hours with them! They shared how the school started, what their long-term vision was for their students, the realities of living on the mission field and how we can better prepare for the culture shock. They were real, concise and forthcoming.....they communicated to us the incredible costs of living in the third world....like the inevitability of diarrhea and sickness....the prevalence of poverty and the intense midwifery education program. And instead of a two-year program, it looks like it will end up being a four-year program! They didn't paint a pretty, fulfilling and easy road, but they were blunt and warned us that the next four years could not be endured without the power of God, a strong backbone, a humble spirit, and a teachable heart. FUN!

After all that, Tim and I were greatly encouraged. We know it won't be a Sunday School picnic, but we're excited to enter into our destiny with Christ. We are afraid, but not fearful....I don't think any amount of information or prep can prepare us for the journey, but we are praying for God's best and His will be done.

After our time with the directors, we raced to my parents house to call our partners in crime, Naomi and Chad. We both became cautiously excited and looked forward to coming home to Vancouver to chat some more....whew.

Then we went and babysat my niece and nephew! What a precious blessing they are! Baby Ben is 9 months and Gracie is almost 3! Time has just flown by!! Our time with my family was fantastic and I was thankful that I had a chance to spend some one-on-one time with my mom and my buddy, Alissa. They are such an encouragement to me!

Anyways, that's the latest update...thanks for reading and for praying, too! I will post again soon. And I pray that you will be encouraged this week to do the impossible in Jesus' Name!
Be blessed!

God's answering machine......

"Hello, you've reached God....I'm not here to take your call right now, but if you leave a message, I'll send somebody to call you back as soon as I stop caring for the rest of the world. Take care!"

Ever feel this way? Don't you love it when you've been trying to get a hold of someone and over and over again you just get their answering machine? Do you get tired of leaving messages? Well, something hit me this week as I was reflecting on my Bible Study homework...yeah, I got homework! Ya know, we have FULL, FREE access to God whenever we want?

Romans 5:1-4 says, "Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

FULL access into His grace....meaning, we can come to His throne freely without reservation or fear because we have been covered by His grace.....take a look at Hebrews 4: 14-16, which says, "Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

Whoa! That's so cool!
I found a poem online at another lady's blog....the author is unknown, but there is a little portion of that poem that really illustrates how good we humans have it....it's called "Hello God, I called Tonight"....the poem is a lot longer and cheesier, so I just included the last portion....

"I thank you God, for being home
And listening to my call,
For giving me such good advice
When I stumble and fall.
Your number, God, is the only one
That answers every time
I never get a busy signal,
Never had to pay a dime
So, thank you God for listening
To my troubles and my sorrows.
Good night, God, I love you, too!
And I'll call again tomorrow!"


Cheesy, but effective. "What is man, that you are mindful of him, mere man that you should care." (Psalm 8:3-5) But He does care. God never has us talk to his secretary or His voice recording...we get to go directly to the Source....to the God who never sleeps, who always cares, whose plans are always for good. Long sigh. I don't think I give Him all the glory He is due. Mmmmmm.

Telemarketers are a blessing?

I had an interesting phone call the other day! I had been praying that God would continue to encourage and excite Tim and I in the coming journey and all the planning in the meantime.....and He did....again.

So the phone rang and I picked up....a 1-800 number. I sighed and felt prepared enough to chat with the telemarketer....selling Fido phones. Because Tim and I are leaving in September, we can't sign on to another cell phone plan, so I just listened to the lady's way cool accent.

After about 3 minutes, she reached a pause in her scripted offer and I said, "Hold on, hold on...can I ask a question?" She said, "uhhm...yeah." I asked, "Where are you from originally?"......silence.....

Then she said, "You mean, my nationality?"

I said, "Yeah, you have a great accent! Where are you from?"

Ya know what she said? She said, "I'm Filipina! Why?"

Oh let me tell ya!! From there we got into a long conversation about her life and she even taught me a few words in Tagalog...the native language of the Philippines. She was excited to hear what we'd be doing there and confirmed the need for midwives in the southern areas of the country. In the end I prayed for her that she would sell lots of phones and she laughed and said that she felt she'd already made her quota. God is funny. I think God had her phone my house just to bless me. God does that kind of stuff. He is sooo good and sooo faithful.

Is God showing you how much He loves you in obscure ways today!? Let me know! Thank you for commenting and many blessings!

Sliding into the 'great unknown'..........

This last weekend, the boys used all the blankets and pillows, bean bags and cushions to make a MONSTER slide. Using an old lettuce cardboard box with a pillow on the bottom, they created a 'bobsled' to slide down the stairs into a mound of soft fluff.

Genius.

Sorry I can't show you the faces of our boys as they flew into the pile of linens, but the look on their faces was one of terror and joy....PURE JOY! They made me laugh. You could hear their screams and giggles throughout the entire house....and the remnants of their adventure lingered on my white walls with the art of sweaty hand prints and black-sock marks....lovely.

But I have to say, I was impressed with their creativity and ability to get over the fear of bashing their head into the stair railing (which happened once or twice...no tears, just some bruised pride) :)

But something else hit me....despite their slight hesitation climbing into their 'bobsled' and the terror on their faces, they scooted their bums off the edge and AWAY they flew with joy. Perhaps they felt safe with Tim and I standing just a few feet away...knowing that if anything happened to them, we'd come running....or be sued! Or maybe it was their subconscious thoughts saying that the adventure of the slide far outweighed the scary risk of bashing their heads open. Mmmmm.

That's like us when God calls us out....when He gives us an open door to our dreams and destiny, we have a very real choice to hesitate and back away or press in and scoot off the edge into the full trust and faithfulness of a God who carries us. That's how I feel about moving overseas....a huge risk...I am full of joy....and terror. Yet, He stands behind me and in front of me...there to carry me as I take off into the unknown.

Even this week, God gave me another encouragement in the risky journey by setting up a time when Tim and I are down in Oregon for Thanksgiving to meet with the director of the Newlife International School of Midwifery! She just happens to be in the area at the same time! PRAISE GOD! I am humbled by His faithfulness. He speaks. Whoa. I can trust my faithful, loving God to prepare the path and take joy in the risks. He is good!

Is there anything God is asking you to do (or be) that requires you to "scoot your bum off the edge" into the great unknown? It could be something BIG or small. Don't hesitate...take joy and sail into His destiny! Read this and be encouraged!

Zephaniah 3: 14-17........

"Sing, O Daughter of Zion;
shout aloud, O Israel!
Be glad and rejoice with all your heart,
O Daughter of Jerusalem!

The LORD has taken away your punishment,
he has turned back your enemy.
The LORD, the King of Israel, is with you;
never again will you fear any harm.

On that day they will say to Jerusalem,
"Do not fear, O Zion;
do not let your hands hang limp.

The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

Be blessed and keep those comments coming! Tell me your risks!

"The rest of the story...so far....(Part 3)

This picture was taken by Tim at a nearby park....it's of our friends' 2 year-old. He's precious. But it reminded me that nothing is impossible with God...this 2 year-old may be small and the basketball hoop super tall, but with God we can grow to tackle any battle....score ANY goal. And now back to the story......

So what do you think Tim said??...... after I shared my guts...poured them out on the table....the table covered in budget papers....he said, "Sure, when do we go and how much do we need?"

"Uhhhhm....really? You're okay with this?" I said. The only question he had was, "Umm, what am I gonna do there while you're in school?"

I hadn't thought that far ahead, other than to think about him doing more photography, but somehow ideas flooded my head....definitely GOD! I told him that I thought he could work with Impact Nations (the ministry we went to the Dominican with) planning and ministering with them...that he could teach music lessons to children in the area and maybe work in area churches doing what he loves...worship!....these were just ideas, of course.

But Tim caught the vision, too, and said, "Well, we should probably call Naomi and Chad and see if they wanna come over for dinner tomorrow night, eh?" Oh, wow this was going FAST!

So we phoned them and they were ecstatic to come over....and they did come over that Tuesday night for 7 hours! We talked about the dreams and visions God had placed in us early in life and how we believed that God was knitting our hearts together already for a distinct purpose. They even suggested we apply together and go with them to the Philippines! They began to share how they thought the four of us could open safe birthing centers in the third world after getting our degrees and how Chad and Tim could use their talents to bless others and make connections for long-term fundraising! It was just sooo God. Every bit of it was encouraging and exhorting. We were fully blessed that God would bring us this amazing couple as friends, co-workers, and mentors in a whole new journey of our life. He is so faithful!

I then found out that Naomi was an experienced doula (one who cares for women during pregnancy) and she is a WEALTH of information on the subject. She passed books my way and got me started on some classes at a local college to get some experience and prep for our trip. I started to get excited....REALLY excited. Tim was, too!

Then I had to get the application in. I found out that the school only accepts 15 students per semester and that I needed to get my papers in quick to make sure I got a spot.... It was Thursday and the kids were arriving at 4 pm. I was pretty concerned that I wouldn't be able to finish the application before the children arrived. The application was full of essays and I needed to get passport photos done and reference letters sent. But then God showed up and by 4 pm, the application was done and sent off, the reference letters finished and the passport pictures pending. Whoa! I was humbled. God did it all!

And then I got sick. Almost immediately after the application was sent, my head began to ache, my throat became sore and the children arrived. "Great." I thought. But then something occurred to me....I was sick because satan was just trying to get me frustrated and distracted from the faithfulness God had shown to me. The next 5 days were grueling...a sinus infection and a really rough weekend with the kids. Seemed like satan was pinching them and telling them how to be naughty because that weekend stunk!

BUT, the presence of God was still cutting through the poo and Tim and I still felt His peace. We recognized that as we continued to step out in faith, satan was going to be right there ready to send his fiery darts our way to discourage, distract, and debilitate us. But it is so nice to know that God has already overcome the world and the darkness of satan. (John 16:33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.") There is nothing satan can or will do that hasn't already been filtered through God gracious hands. Nothing can stop God's plans! That is soooo encouraging.

As we wait for acceptance from the school, Tim and I are slowly beginning to wrap our brains around the fact that we may very well be without a home country for many years and that we may never again have a home to ourselves. We'll see what God does. But it certainly has made this holiday season far more special.....I've already started putting up Christmas decorations! (much to Tim's demise.....but we found out that in the Philippines, the Christmas season begins in OCTOBER!! I am feeling at home already!)

The times with family have already been more meaningful and the plans have brought a strong sense of purpose to most of our conversations. Mmmmm. Interesting and convicting. There is so much rolling around in my head that perhaps bits and pieces will fall into future posts. That's the gist of the story for now. I will keep you posted! If you wanna visit the school's site, it's http://www.midwifeschool.org/Home.htm.

Beware...when God gives you a good thought....satan is right there ready to give you two bad ones, but remember that God has already overcome satan....HE IS VICTORIOUS and has called you to be the same! (1 John 5:4-6) With Him in YOU, what can satan do!? 2 Corinthians 13:4-6 says, "For to be sure, he was crucified in weakness, yet he lives by God's power. Likewise, we are weak in him, yet by God's power we will live with him to serve you. Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Do you not realize that Christ Jesus is in you—unless, of course, you fail the test? And I trust that you will discover that we have not failed the test." (Gal. 2:20 is also good...read that, too!)

Take heart and live in victory....you cannot fail! Amen.

Not to interrupt, but a break in the story is needed.....

I know you're asking the question, "Why is Bethany posting a picture of a wreath and interrupting the flow of her 3-part story?"

Well, something really cool happened today and I thought I'd share it...and add to the suspense of the Philippine story! :)

See this red wreath? Well, I got it two years ago from Zellers and though it was cheap, it gave me that "it's-time-for-Christmas" feel.....Tim LOVES it when I hang it up in October! NOT!!!! :) But I really love the warm welcoming feeling it brings to our white, somewhat plain front door!

Anyways, I put it up at the beginning of October, well, that's not actually true....it might've been late September.....I really love Christmas. But VERY shortly after I put it up, it disappeared....stolen by neighborhood hoodlums thinking they were cool, showing off to their hoodlum friends. Ya know the type. Poo-poo-heads!

So I sent Tim and the boys we had that weekend on a scavenger hunt to see where my wreath got dumped.....they came back with a few beat up berries and a swag of berries and leaves...clearly from my beloved wreath. I was quite upset. I was hurt that someone(s) would just take a thing of beauty and destroy it for no reason....my hope was that at the very least, they would've given the wreath to their mom or something......I gave up hope that my wreath would ever return.

So I stuck the old green ivy wreath from Easter up onto the door and figured I'd buy a new wreath closer to Christmas.

Weeks passed and Friday, Tim took me to Mandeville Garden Center to take a look at their Christmas wreaths...I had a COUPON!!!!! But they were all too expensive...even with the coupon....I thought that maybe I needed to "work on" the ivy wreath at home and see if I could make it look "Christmas-y". We got a cheap wreath-like thing from Zellers, just in case and went home.

Today, Sunday, I took our three boys to the park for some soccer and on the way home ya know what I saw?? Yes....my red, berry tattered wreath hidden in a bush 8 houses down the street from ours! It had definitely been there since September....pill bugs crawled out of it as I picked it up...I shook it a bit.....leaves and mud slid off of it and I was overjoyed....I nearly cried! The boys were pretty excited, too! "MY WREATH!" I exclaimed excitedly. And despite it's poor state, I was able to clean it off and it now looks close to new! YEAH GOD! I am soooo thankful! God takes concern in the small things, ya know!?

What struck me, though, was that in September the leaves on the bushes were full and you couldn't see through the bush. So when the hoodlums took it and threw it there, they didn't take into account that when fall came and the leaves fell, that the wreath would be exposed and found! Without the bareness of the bush, I would've never found it! I had passed that same bush numerous times before and it had been there all along. Wow.

It's symbolic of the journey we've been on....things thought to be stolen from us for good only to be found through God's timing and provision. What satan meant for bad, God turned around for His pleasure and mine, too! He gets all the glory and I have a freshly decorated front door for Christmas! Anything been stolen from you? Pray this over yourself and your fam!.........

Zechariah 10:6

"I will strengthen the house of Judah (or Tim and Bethany...'cuz He has!!) and save the house of Joseph (and Tim and Bethany, 'cuz He has!!) . I will restore them (and the things stolen from them: Psalm 14) because I have compassion on them. They will be as though I had not rejected them, for I am the LORD their God and I will answer them (and He has, time and time again...He is sooo faithful!)."

Be blessed and part 3 is coming soon!

"More of the story" (Part 2)

Last post I shared the first part of the events leading up to our plans to move to the Philippines in September, 2007.......

So God hit me on the head and within a few days, He answered the prayer I'd had for four years. You see, after I stopped feeling sorry for myself about the baby issues, God placed within me a love and deep passion for pregnant ladies, and not just them, but moms in general....not an obsession, just a strange realization of their fears, their hopes of raising their children well and the joy in their patiently awaiting the birth. It struck me just how much God trusted them with the precious little life and how miraculous life was....then I went to Body Worlds at Science World and it hit me even more....I felt immense compassion (and I REALLY didn't have it before) for the mothers whose children are in our group home....how most of them endured horrible pregnancies with little support. How much different could the lives of our children be had their mothers had positive and supportive birthing experiences that taught them how to parent and successfully care for their little one in the most formative years of their lives!? I was humbled.

Then I met Naomi. An amazing lady who LOVES birth....not babies....BIRTH....babies coming out!! That's her passion. I found out through my mother-in-law that Naomi was looking into a missions-based midwifery school in the Philippines and showed me the website. I took a look at it at home and read every word....I cried. I was a mess and felt an incredible peace from the Holy Spirit that I was to look into this school.....and into Naomi.

I then found out that Naomi's husband, Chad, was an accomplished drummer and professional musician....AND he was playing drums on Tim's worship team that Sunday! Mmmm, I thought...I wonder what God is doing....

So Sunday rolled along and I had laid awake most of Friday and Saturday night thinking about the Philippines, praying that God would give me confirmations from others that this was His desire for me and I began to feel a deep-rooted sense of joy and excitement. At church I was distracted by our kids making a fuss and still all I could think about was "How is God gonna put this together?". I saw Naomi and just mentioned the Philippine dream and we both started to cry. There was an instant connection and we agreed that at some point we should talk about it further. Then church started and something in me just burst....tears began to fall harder and by the end of the service, I had TOTAL unexplained (other than God) peace that He was going before me to set things up. I HAD to tell someone....or pray about it with someone 'cuz at that point, I was feeling overwhelmed with the scope of it all. So I ran to Heidi, my dear nursing friend who has shared the sugar and lemons of life with me...she's also an amazing visionary woman of God.

So I shared with her all that was going on in my head....that I knew that God was calling us to go to the Philippines for two years so that I could serve as a missionary while getting a midwifery degree and training to open safe free birthing centers in the third world. We cried. She felt the same peace I had and prayed over the plans. We talked about how Impact Nations (the ministry Tim and I went to the Dominican with) could have a part in sending us, how God could open doors in India through Impact Nations to build birthing centers, and how God had finally answered my prayers with the very perfect timing. HIS timing.

Next, I had to talk to Tim....you're probably wondering, "Why didn't she talk to Tim about it sooner???" Well, this was Sunday and I had only been introduced to the school that Friday! And I was scared. I was (almost) certain that he'd say no or that I needed to just learn to be content where we were at.....so I booked a time for Monday to look over the budget with him and talk about "some things".......he was gracious enough to agree to go for coffee.....

So I we looked over the bills, the budget and our current marital status.....and then I shared "the plan"....."Tim....what if I went back to school....but in the Philippines....to a fully-accredited midwifery school.....to get a midwifery degree that would allow us to open safe birthing centers and orphanages all over the world?.....and you could work with Impact Nations and maybe teach music lessons to area children......we wouldn't be paid anything, but we could do some fundraising and save as much as we can in the next year.....??? *GULP* *SHEEPISH GRIN**

And you know what he said? Well, you'll have to wait until next post because this one's getting long....and there is so much more to the story....so if you want to read more, stay tuned! And remember that FEAR is just False Evidence Appearing Real..(my mommy told me that!)....may you take those leaps of faith this week without fear....Be blessed!

PS. The picture is one that Tim took a long, long time ago and didn't like it. I like it....I think it says a lot.

The story, thus far.....(Part 1)

Last post I shared that Tim and I will be moving to the Philippines in September, 2007! The story is long and full of little details, but let me tell you the important parts, that is, if you want to read it! Otherwise, leave this blog NOW!

Okay, so here's the deal.....I've been praying for two years that God would direct our path outta the Vancouver area (pictured in all its fall glory here)....not because I don't like it, but because I have felt this strong desire to get out and have an adventure with Tim...without the distraction of family hoohah and without the stress of fitting into everyone else's mold...I've had this "ants-in-my-pants" thing for a while.... Since I was eight. Truth! I have wanted to move overseas and work, preach, hang in orphanages, gosh...do SOMETHING since I was eight. My parents always laughed at me because all I wanted to do was work in an orphanage, live in a shack with a sharpei dog and play saxophone or something like that.

Well, after marrying Tim, I put some of those dreams to rest and found that one of my dreams was exactly like his! It basically came down to serving the poor in third world countries in any capacity God saw fitting. To be truthful, that's really why we got married! We just really felt God's call on us as a couple and as singles! We felt that our very first date! Anyway, working in our group home has been great and God has blessed us with it, but Tim is far more content here than I am and yet, we both still felt that tugging in our guts to other nations....working with the poor and with children.

So after getting home from the Dominican in January of this year, I felt that nudge harder than ever before and I REALLY wanted to get outta here. I was getting tired of our job and felt like I was in a rut. The more I prayed, the more I "felt" God telling me to WAIT! I hated that. But it was true...I needed to learn to wait. Tim wanted me to just be content with our job and God wanted me to wait. I wasn't willing to do either. So I began to look into extra schooling or missionary training. I checked some schools in the states (where I am originally from) and some schools in the UK. Tim kinda kept to himself and I faked like I was content. But I wasn't....I was fighting God....and losing.

Tim and I wanted to have kids and that wasn't working either and his argument for not leaving our job was partially because we could leave it once we got pregnant and in the meantime, work a secure job and save for the future. It's now been four years of trying for a baby. Everyone around me seems to be having babies and somehow God has warned me of those who are pregnant even before they announce their pregnancies! For the longest time, I was baffled and somewhat upset about the whole thing.

And then God miraculously hit me on the head with conviction followed by His grace and something in me changed. Depression left, discontentment left, insecurities left, fear left, even the desire for our own children left and all that was left was me and God, face to face and I saw Him. I mean, really SAW HIM!! I saw Him for who He truly is and for what He's done....and then I recognized His work in me...the process, the removing of my sin, the journey He's taken me on and all of a sudden I felt grateful. Content. Joyful. And my only prayer became, "Lord, I'll do whatever you want me to do...I just don't want to squander this time that you've given Tim and I without our own children. But if you want me to wait, then I will wait and I will choose to have Your joy in waiting."

I was a mess. I had surrendered every dream of children, every hope of change, and every expectation I'd placed on myself and on Tim. Through the grace of God, I let go of bitter feelings, self-hatred, and pride and He replaced it with Himself. I literally felt undone...out of control.....and yet, so at peace. I began to take joy in the things He was saying to me...the inside scoop of others' pregnancies and the joy that they were feeling!

A few days passed and you know what happened?? Well, you'll have to wait a day or two....read the next post to find out! Be blessed and surrender all you have this week....you're in for a real treat when you do!!