The SLR and the 13 year-old.....

Greetings! This weekend my brother and sister-in-law visited with their two precious kids and we had a BLAST! I'll give more details and share what God taught me next post, but I thought I'd go in order of past events.

I posted this Tim picture because it reminded me of our weekend....three peas in a pod 'cuz one rolled away..... :(

Our 13 year-old boy has been in our program for over 4 years. He is a very silly and hyper kid....though very endearing. I cannot share with you the extent of his difficulties because of confidentiality issues, so I will just say that this boy has many developmental and behavioral issues that are not his fault.

His behavior over the passed year has turned into that of a teen heading toward a life of jail and drugs. He had begun to steal...starting with food and then iPods, PSPs, toys, and money. Then he started to get really defiant and became fascinated with fire. When he started burning paper in his room, his foster family had to let him go in order to keep their other children safe.

Then he moved into home after home lighting things on fire and growing in defiance. Last week, he moved into a group home with older teens. He was still coming to see us and though we had to search his bag and pockets every time, he was still the silly endearing boy we always knew. He never stole anything from us or was overly defiant. He was tough, but nothing was directed towards us. He even allowed us to help him write a letter to his biological mom and foster mom to share with them how sorry he was for stealing from them and yet how angry he is at them. We thought he was going through some healing......

When he came this weekend, he was 'bragging' about his new smoking habit and the loose rules of his new group home. He said he could go where he wanted and stay up as late as he wanted watching movies and chatting with girls. We had to laugh a bit because we knew the stories he was telling were a bit 'overcooked'. But it led to his first ever: "I don't want to be here...I want to go back to the group home."

SHOCK! He used to LOVE coming here ....that is, until he got a taste of real freedom...and not the good kind. His behavior turned belligerent and he was so eager to get home that we finally took him back after 24 hours.

Upon entering the car, Tim noticed his SLR camera was missing.....just to make sure, he went and spoke to our boy and the staff at the group home. They hadn't seen it in their searching through his things he brought home, so Tim left VERY distraught. It took us over 6 months to raise enough money for that camera and it was a very special gift given to Tim for his birthday last year. He'd only had it since February and photography was to be a small source of income upon our arrival in the Philippines. Tim was beside himself, but still needed to go and lead worship at the Sunday evening service at our church.

We couldn't afford a new camera and as he left for church, my heart sank and I made a few phone calls to our close friends and family to pray. I sat on the couch and cried and prayed...not because the camera was lost, but because I knew our boy had taken it and he had never stolen from us before....this, inevitably, would have to change the status of our relationship.

After praying for a while, I called the group home again to talk to our boy to tell him that if perhaps, maybe he FOUND the camera for Tim, that I would give him a reward of $50....he said nothing. But the group home staff mentioned that they'd be doing a thorough check in all the rooms before bedtime and they would keep me posted.

A couple hours went by and no word. Then the phone rang.....

Sure enough, hidden in the box springs of our boy's bed was Tim's $1600 SLR and a host of other stolen property. Upon finding it, our boy became verbally abusive and violent. My heart was grateful for the camera and heavy for our kid. This was not just a little thing....this was a big deal. The home asked us to press charges, but something in us just couldn't....

We know we can't have him back in our home because he is a danger to the other kids and to us, but our hearts break as we have to release him to God and hope for the best. The future doesn't look good for him. When Tim met with him later that night, he refused to talk to him and after every word said, "I don't care what you say." We've just become another broken relationship to him that he needed to sabotage himself before us moving away did it for him. Unfortunately, it was 2 months too early. I wasn't ready and neither was Tim. We're praying for a better outcome. And for now, we have to focus on the little lives God has entrusted to us for the next 2 months.

Whew. Next post will be far more uplifting, I promise. :) Be blessed.

More kids stuff........

Spring is TOTALLY here! All the bulbs that I planted in the fall have popped out and have been attacked by slugs. Ah yes, another reminder spring is here....slugs. Last night I went outside and found a whole family of them munching away on my tulip leaves. At least they were enjoying themselves. But alas, they 'succumbed' to my crushed egg shell and beer concoction. Too bad. :) Ya know, they don't have slugs in the Philippines!? They just have giant cockroaches! :)

We're definitely coming down to the wire here at our house. The kids at our group home are beginning to show some affection and emotion on the subject of us moving overseas. To be honest, it's been quite surprising. All of a sudden, our 14 year-old is wanting to help wherever she can....scrubbing floors, making beds, cooking! ....she just WANTS to help! Our 12 year-olds are wanting to 'hang out' more...they want to stay indoors and play board games rather than go on outings and such. We've been getting our share of hugs and kisses, too! Oh and the pictures! We're getting 'special' homemade pictures and drawings saying how wonderful we are almost daily! And then the pictures are followed by, "Can I have your GameCube when you guys move?" We have to laugh. And then there's the, "What are you going to do with all your Archie Comics and the Air Hockey Table?...Can I have them?" There is a method to their madness. :) I got convicted by that....sometimes I treat God the same way...."I'll be good and make you nice things to hang on your fridge if you'll give me just this one thing??..." Mmmmm. Yeah, right. Anyway.....

This weekend, my brother and sister-in-law are coming from Oregon with their two kids, Ben and Gracie! The last time we saw them was at Christmas...hence the pictures above....and yes, that's Grace waving a Canadian flag she received from Uncle Fuzz and Aunt B!

This is the very first time they've ever come to see us, so this is a momentous occasion! I was blessed by the kids' reaction to my family coming, too. Our three girls made welcome signs and hung balloons. We had a blast preparing for their arrival. The girls had seen so many pictures of my niece and nephew, they felt as though they knew them. What a joy to see them so eager to serve kids they'd never met!

Tim and I are coming to terms with the fact that this will be the one of the last times we'll see them. Once more in April and then again in June....then we're gone for a long time. We're gonna cherish this week.

Be blessed.

New life........

Greetings! For the sake of keeping up this blog on more recent events as we get closer to our journey to the Philippines, I have decided to "move on" from the previous discussions.

However, those of you who would like to continue the discussion and dialogue further, please send me an e-mail at bagpipegoo@yahoo.ca. I would encourage you to "change the scenario" to another situation such as an act of theft or maybe you can think of a different one. Perhaps that would change the perspective? It was meant to be a doctrinal/theological issue....it would seem that some are stuck on the scenario (which is actually a conglomeration of three real circumstances that I, for the most part, dealt with in the spirit of forgiveness) and not on the actual theological issue...more plainly- "Under what circumstances does God forgive and if He is our model, how are we to forgive?"....feel free to e-mail.

~Moving on~

Remember when I posted that Tim and I have been feeling a "short-timers" restlessness with our job? I thought it was just something I'd have to deal with and fight through. Another character building exercise...you know how I LOVE those! :)

But this week has proven that God is still challenging, moving and using us in this job with the kids. As many of you know, we've cared for over 40 children in our group home and many we expected to never see again. However, in the last few weeks, we have received phone calls and unexpected visits from kids we've cared for at some point in the last four years! It's been quite bizarre!

Although some are in far worse places than when we had them, others have been reunited with their families and are doing fantastic! God is good. It feels as though God is reassuring us that He will take care of these kids that are so dear to our hearts.

It gets better!

Remember the post on "tantrumming boy" and the two barf brothers? Well, tantrumming boy came to know Jesus this weekend! No joke! He shared that he thought Christians were stupid (he knows what we are...and sometimes we ARE stupid!) and so I asked him why he thought that. He said that he just didn't understand why we would eat a little cracker and drink a teeny bit of grape juice and call it Jesus. I see his point.

That led to a discussion that changed this 12 year-old's life. I asked him if he'd ever done anything wrong in his life.....he answered "OH YEAH!" I laughed. I told him that I did, too and continue to, but that the difference was that instead of having to die because of all my wrongdoing, Jesus went in my place and that now, I can have a relationship with God for eternity.

We talked about how Jesus knows our every thought and knows what we're gonna do even before we do it....that when we confess or tell God when we do naughty things and ask for Jesus to help us, He forgives us and we can have peace.....that we have the Holy Spirit that acts as a warrior on our behalf to help us to do the right thing....and that being a Christian is a HUGE responsibility.....not to be taken lightly. It means doing our best to give God glory or blessing Him in everything we do and say....that it was hard.....it meant putting others needs before our own needs....serving others....

I was trying to discourage him as much as possible because I wanted to make sure he really understood the costs......in the past, I would've just been overjoyed and prayed......but this was too important......

After all that, I asked him if he still wanted to give Jesus complete control of his life and he said..."YUP." So I asked him if he wanted to pray and ask Jesus to take control and he said, "YUP." So we did. I tell ya...the rest of the day, he was on cloud nine....hyper....excited...and even prayed at dinner. That's a first. God is good.

I told him that angels were rejoicing in heaven because he joined the family (Luke 15:10)....he smiled. Be blessed.

Building bridges

Another classic Tim photo! Symbolic of what I wanted to post today.

I recently received an anonymous comment here on my blog and while I appreciate dialogue and discussion, I am opposed to visitors posting a comment anonymously.
It does not give me the ability to address the poster of the anonymous comment accordingly. As a result, I had to change the format of my blog and the way in which people can voice their opinion.

Therefore, if you would like to make a comment on my blog and do not have a blogger account, please place your name at the bottom of your comment, so I can address you with a reply directly.

At the advice of my husband, I have chosen not to post any anonymous comments that do not have the author's identity. No social security card or birth certificate needed....just a name. :)

Thanks for your comments and your gracious respect. Be blessed.

His acts astound me......

Good Thursday to you all! Another Vancouver picture by Tim...we are getting a bit more sunshine as of late, so I thought I'd share it with you!

I just wanted to give you an update on our benefit spaghetti dinner we hosted for the Philippines yesterday!

We had several cancellations and we were concerned nobody would show. But we hoped that whoever decided to come would be hand-picked by the Holy Spirit. We had a really rough day, too. Tim was fighting with Canadian Tire about a car that needed fixing but they messed up and very little errands got done. However, we were overjoyed to greet our dear old friend, Marlies, from New Zealand via the UK at the airport in the afternoon and on a whim, asked if she wanted to come to the dinner, too.

When everyone arrived, we had a total of 12 people and we had a blast! It was different than the one before. It wasn't near as boisterous, but we had a wonderful time chatting with everyone and hearing all their stories of travelling to Asia and our pastor, Ernie, shared of some of his experiences in the Philippines. We felt encouraged and supported.

Impact Nations shared the vision of saving and changing the lives of the poorest of the poor and invited our guests to come along on a "Journey of Compassion". There's even one coming in September to the Philippines!

After salad, spaghetti, bread, cheesecake, strawberries and whipped cream, we prayed together for God's direction and wisdom. The night proved to be a success as most of our guests committed to pray for us and we are now over halfway to our needed $1400. (US) a month! Currently we are at $880. (US) monthly. God showed Himself faithful once again and we were filled with hope. Time is short....we're nearly there! Please continue to pray for us! Many blessings to you all!

"Challenged even more....."

Greetings! Tim took this candid pic a month ago when the sun was just beginning to peak out giving us notice that spring was on its way....I look deep in thought....as I am today.

My last post dealt with clearly a sensitive issue and I am still processing all of it. It's amazing to me that God allows us so much grace to wrestle with life and faith issues in search for His truth. Instead of always pointing to the answers, He leads us on rabbit trails and windy roads to experience and grapple with His words.....always to build our character and become more like Him. That's my greatest desire.

After re-reading my previous post, I found it to be far more "pro-Gary Chapman viewpoint" than I actually intended. I was reminded of a prophetic word over me almost a year ago that shared that my life was to be "a labor of love"...at that time I did not know that I'd be sharing in the physical "labor" of a woman giving birth as well as laboring in the emotional and spiritual in serving overseas.

The reason I bring this up is that my previous post lacked a self-sacrificing element that God has required of me. The "relief from self-condemnation" as I wrote, was not really a relief from self-condemnation, but relief from personal sacrifice and responsibility to fight to forgive. For that, I repent. Forgiveness when God asks it of me is part of my life being a "labor of love".

However, my thoughts have changed on the subject of forgiveness as a result of Chapman's lecture, but not as much as I originally thought. I think Chapman's point of view lacks balance and self-sacrifice. Forgiveness is a sacrifice. But I also believe there is a distinct difference between 'forbearance' and forgiveness and I think that without forgiveness, there can be no reconciliation.....but I also believe that reconciliation requires the desire of the two people to be reconciled....I don't think you can be reconciled to someone who does not want to be reconciled, too. And sometimes I think forgiveness is not warranted, but forbearance is. Mmmm. Still sorting through that one.

Polar opposites are represented in my last post with my mother-in-law and Gary Chapman's teaching....however, I think that both sides are lacking a balance. I don't know what the balance is, but I desire to learn God's truth in the matter and I don't think we, as Christians, have it right. I don't think we ever will this side of heaven. But I am grateful for the discussion and I am sorry if my response to Chapman's teaching offended or discouraged any readers. The passages I listed in last post are still passages I am re-reading and grappling with.

On that note, I am grappling with soooo much right now....ill-timed as it may be, I know God is speaking. Be blessed.

God's anger and forgiveness.....I'm challenged.

Have you ever tried to forgive someone who hurt you and got so frustrated that you were having such trouble forgiving them? Maybe you even felt guilty and shameful for not feeling forgiving........maybe you even had to wake up every morning saying "I forgive you" in your mind to that person even though everyday they continued to hurt you.......

Well, I learned something this weekend that changed my whole perspective on God's grace, forgiveness and my part in reconciliation. Although I do not fully agree with every portion of the teaching, I am interested in a dialogue about this...perhaps even challenging my own thoughts on the matter.....comment if you have a thought.

I used to think that no matter what someone did, I had to forgive them and if I couldn't, then I wasn't really a healthy Christian, I was bitter and angry and that God wouldn't forgive me. I know many of us have had that mindset. But I was challenged this weekend to rethink that ingrained teaching.

A friend and I went to hear Gary Chapman (author of The Five Love Languages) speak on Love and Anger. I really went because I wanted to spend time with this friend and I wanted to take an evening off of work. I had no idea that it would provide me with such freedom and release from my own self-condemnation.

You see, someone dear to me has taken his life into his own hands. He professed to know Christ, but in the last three years, he has chosen to cheat on his wife, fall into addictions, hurt those around him with his words and his actions without ever an apology....and now he is divorcing his wife, been aloof with his family and lives like an unbeliever......he claims that we "just need to forgive him". This angered me and I struggled with his self-centered and heartless, Godless response. The pain he has caused his family is overwhelming and he shares that he "just wants to be happy".

The subject of forgiveness has come up numerous times in this situation and though I love this person and I desire God's best for him, I couldn't say that I forgave him. Why? Because he hasn't confessed and repented. He hasn't changed his lifestyle or admitted wrong or apologized for the pain he's caused and selfishness he has demonstrated. And this weekend, I discovered that unforgiveness is not without merit and is actually Biblical. Let me explain......

Gary Chapman taught on the fact that God, Himself, does not forgive people who do not confess and repent. Take a look at 1 John 1:9 - "if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness." The key word here is IF.

God is our example and we are made in His image.....we are to model our lives according to His statutes. We cannot forgive better than God...we aren't capable of forgiving anyone without Him, so how can we expect to forgive someone when GOD HASN'T FORGIVEN THEM!? If they have not confessed and repented, then they are not forgiven.

But what about Christ? Didn't He come to save sinners...the ultimate act of forgiveness? YES! BUT only when they believe on the Lord Jesus Christ....what does that involve doing? Admitting you are a sinner and are in need of a Saviour....aka confessing and repenting...take a look at John 3:16, Acts 16:31, Proverbs 28:13. 2 Timothy 2:18-19 (and countless others)....all speak of confessing, repenting and being saved.

Even when Jesus was on the cross, He asked God, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do" (Luke 23:34). This was not a command, but a desire....Jesus was saying that He desired for them to be forgiven and He was making a way so that IF man confesses, THEN God would forgive them and save them.

Now, does that mean we have a right to stay angry and become bitter and treat the person who wronged us with all the hatred we have in the world? NO! Matthew 18: 15-17 says,

5"If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'17If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector."

Treat them like an unbeliever? That means we love them (Luke 6:35) and pray for them (Matthew 5:44), BUT we also guard ourselves from them and set up strong boundaries (2 Timothy 4:14-15). We do not allow anger to take root in us, either. Chapman shared that anger was never meant to take residence in our hearts, but just to be a visitor. It is only when we invite anger to LIVE in us that it becomes bitterness and hatred. But when we treat the wounding unbeliever with love and prayer, it is the Holy Spirit who removes the anger and replaces it with compassion.....NOT forgiveness....THAT only comes when the person confesses and repents and the sweetness of reconciliation can take place.

We are required to forgive when asked to (Matthew 6:14-15...that;s the hard part!), but until we are asked, we cannot. Look at the many examples in the old AND new testaments where a person was wrong, hurt others and needed to repent. Forgiveness is not a right, but an act of grace....an act of God. We cannot forgive without Him, so when He forgives, I want to act in forgiveness.

Still processing all of this.....any comments? What a challenge~be blessed!

"Turning mourning into dancing......"

Yes, that's Tim and our four-year-old....DANCING! Many of you thought Tim wouldn't and couldn't dance, but here he is.....grooving to "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" with our little one in the living room. Priceless.

What you can't see here is the smile on our four-year-old's face.....he's in heaven. He is an awesome break dancer and finds any excuse to do a spinning headstand. I wouldn't be a bit surprised if we see him on some stage with flashing lights dancing for a big name rapper or diva....and still serving the Lord with his dance.

This little guy is doing so well...he's still four so he's REALLY annoying, but the change in Him is Christ alone. :)

As I shared before, we've been going through heavy times. It seems that everyone around us is going through it, too. But I started to realize just how many "little blessings" or as my mom calls them: "little kisses on the forehead from the Lord" we were experiencing.

Prayer SOOOOO changes things. The Lord showed me how far we've come and not how far we still need to go....He showed me that the two months without our dear friends, Bob and Sylvia, are almost over.....that this passed weekend with the kids empowered us and didn't drain us....that seeing my parents last week in Washington State was short, but a blessing.......my perspective is changing....it's not fully there yet, but it's coming.

Just that simple reminder of where we've been and how much He has accomplished in us instead of focusing on the overwhelming amount that still needs attention, has begun to give me hope and center my focus. And the Lord did it so gently and quietly. We continue to pray protection for our families and God's best for our friends.....and grace for us. God is good.

Be blessed.

Some spaghetti, anyone?

Good day, everyone! This pic Tim took is of my nephew, Micah and his uncle Jeff. I think it's a great picture....Micah is certainly growing and his expressions at 6 months are hilarious. It makes me miss my nephew, Benjamin and my niece, Grace.

So we've been planning another spaghet-to-gether to raise awareness and support for our journey to the Philippines. We were asked to host another one after a bunch of people shared that they had wanted to come, but couldn't on Tuesday. So here we are, planning one for Wednesday night, March 14th. Those same people can't make this one, either, so we are debating on whether to cancel it or just go ahead with the little people we have....anyone wanna come? :)

The last one was fantastic and we had a lot of fun. I know God will bring the people He desires to be there. It's been a challenge, though. Please pray that God will provide the rest of our monthly support! Thanks.

Last post I had shared that Tim and I were getting tired of our job and struggling to keep up with "spinning all our plates". But I have to share an incredible joy God gave us this week. Our four-year-old, who is now living with an extended aunt, has changed into another kid! I'm serious! This kid is soooo different from the one we met over a year ago.

When this little boy arrived, he was depressed, sick, belligerent and unhappy. He got into so many fights at his pre-school and the teachers would often have bruises from his tantrums. He was constantly sick and full of phlegm which made his asthma trouble worse. We had been praying that he would be moved to a positive environment....preferably one that was full of the love of Christ. A couple of months ago, he was moved into an extended aunt's house (who really isn't related to him at all) and we found out that she's a Christian! Not only that, but after just a few short weeks, this little guys WANTS to pray, WANTS to help, WANTS to go to pre-school and has become so polite and kind that I struggle thinking he isn't for real!!!

Yes, he is still four....almost five now, so there are some nutsy behaviors that get to us and we want to run to take cover, BUT, the change in him is so amazing....he's happy, healthy, his eyes light up when you pray and he loves his new home. God is so faithful. He reminds me that God is taking care of each one of our kids and we don't have to worry about their well-being when we leave. It also reminds me that I need to pray for them....Instead of struggling through the next three months of work, I should be taking this opportunity to pray for God's greatest blessings over them and their families.....though I am tired and weak....struggling, I know that when I focus and pray for God's best for these kids, many of the challenges don't seem so impossible and annoying. Maybe.

"Oh, God, forgive me for complaining. Thanks." Be blessed.